A Series of Heritage Lines
by DanBarr1704
Summary: A brand new series I'm working on where we spend an episode on a UK heritage railway. This brand new series works in the same way as T&FMLA. Rated T for language in some episodes. Last one for this series now up! UK readers - apologies if your local railway hasn't been used.
1. Great Central Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**In tonight's start of a brand new series - an N2 doesn't know the meaning of a word, some trucks get pushed under a coal shoot and a 9F gets hoisted into the air.**

Episode 1: Mr 9F, I'm a Little Different

There're three engines from the mainline series that are based on the Great Central Railway and they're Oliver Cromwell the BR Standard 7 Britannia no.70013, Alderman A E Draper the LMS Black 5 no.45305 and Sir Lamiel the SR N15 King Arthur no.(30)777. However, this new series opening episode isn't based on them. You'll find out which engine it's based on as it progresses. So with that in mind, let us begin.

On a clear day when the sky's blue and there's just enough breeze to clear the clouds away, you can stand on hills or bridges and watch all the engines hard at work on the Great Central Railway in the East Midlands, running from Leicester to Loughborough. One such engine was BR Standard Class 9F no.92214 _'Cock o' the North'_ **(yes, that really is his name!)**. Now, Cock o' the North was the most recent addition to the GCR steam fleet after they bought him from the North Yorkshire Moors Railway. And whenever he had the chance, he'd often talk to the other engines about his life story.

"You know I was born a goods engine." he'd often say, "But I got to pull passenger trains on rare occasions. And I must say I'm really enjoying all these passenger trains I've been doing since I came here. I think it's fair to say that I've proven to be very reliable."

That evening, as Cock o' the North was fast asleep, the other engines, including the mainline trio, were talking about the tails Cock o' the North had been telling them previously.

"Amazing." said Alderman A E Draper.

"Cock o' the North," said Oliver Cromwell, "Has resource!"

"And sagacity." added Sir Lamiel. GNR Class N2 no.1744 **(who we shall name Leslie)** and BR Standard Class 2 no.78019 **(who we shall name Kirk)** we also in on the conversation.

"Sagacity? Kirk, what does that mean?" asked Leslie.

"I think little Leslie," replied Kirk, "It's about being clever and wise."

"He is," finished Sir Lamiel, "An example to us all!"

I'm sorry to say unfortunately that after hearing about this the next day, Cock o' the North became very puffed up in the smoke box.

"Sir Lamiel thinks I'm amazing and he's damn right." he smiled as he swooshed along the line with his coaches. He soon arrived at Leicester station with his passengers right on time. The GCR Controller was on the platform.

"You're doing well here at your new home Cock o' the North." he boomed, "Now, it's time for you to learn how to look after trucks. Now before you answer back, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'I was born a goods engine so I know how to look after trucks!'. Ah, but not the trucks on this railway you haven't, so I'd advise that you be careful with them." Every wise engine knows that you cannot trust trucks, especially those you find on the Great Central Railway. The other engines tried to warn Cock o' the North about this, but he paid no attention. He brought some trucks to the yard. LMS Ivatt Class 2 no.46521 _'Blossom'_ and LMS 8F no.48624 **(who we shall name Ashley)** were already there.

"Why do you lot think I cannot manage?!" said Cock o' the North huffily, "Sir Lamiel knows better because he thinks I'm sagacious!"

"You may be, good gracious or whatever you call it," began Blossom, "But the trucks on this railway can be very troublesome, in fact more troublesome than trucks on other railways, and…"

"Say no more Blossom." interrupted Ashley, "It may indeed be a pity but the big engine will just have to learn for himself."

"Oh yeah, this coming from the only 8F who isn't painted black!" snorted Cock o' the North.

"Yeah?!" huffed Ashley, "Listen to me you, in my mind, there're three members of my class who really stand out! Gauge O Guild because he's the only class member working on the mainline! Finney **(no.48773 who we'll meet later in the series)** who's commonly known as Britain's most travelled preserved locomotive! And then there's me because, as you just said, I'm the only preserved 8F who isn't painted black! I'm sure Gauge O Guild and Finney will be proud of their maroon liveried sister!" she added proudly.

"Whatever!" huffed Cock o' the North, "Anyway, I can easily manage trucks because I learned how to from the GWR 2800s. You know Churchward of the Severn Valley right?! It was his class that managed trucks before my class were even built so of course I can manage trucks because they taught me how to! I can handle this!"

"Famous last words." sighed Blossom.

That afternoon at Quorn & Woodhouse goods yard, Cock o' the North pulled some loaded trucks into a siding and then he pushed some empties to the coal shoot. While he was waiting for the trucks to be loaded with coal, he couldn't help but think about what Blossom and Ashley had said to him.

"I'll have to learn for myself, pah! I've been working with trucks for pretty much 90% of my life, I can handle this! Just let them wait and see!" he huffed as he watched the trucks get loaded one by one. Once each truck was loaded with coal, he puffed forward and got ready to take them away. However, the trucks felt comfortable where they were, meaning they didn't want to move.

"What right does he have to poke his funnel up here!" they complained, "We want Blossom, or Ashley, or Kirk!" Cock o' the North then gave them a hard biff.

"Look sharp!" he puffed.

"That's not the way to speak!" hissed the trucks to themselves, "We'll pay him out!" Cock o' the North heard nothing though as a workman coupled him up to the trucks. He then whistled to signal that he was going to move. E believed that the trucks were going to move smoothly. However, just as he set off, he suddenly felt them push forward. His driver applied the brakes but they were useless against the surging trucks.

"On, on, on!" yelled the trucks. Cock o' the North fought hard but the trucks were still forcing him on and on.

"Cor blimey, these trucks are stronger than I was expecting!" he cried as the trucks continued to push him across the yard. Quorn and Woodhouse turntable was behind him and Blossom had just been turned on it. Just as she reversed off the turntable, she could hear the commotion from behind her. At last, because of Cock o' the North's immense weight, the trucks were beginning to grow tired and the train was starting to slow down.

"I'm winning!" gasped Cock o' the North. The trucks though still had just enough strength left in them to do to Cock o' the North what Blossom was about to witness. Blossom watched as Cock o' the North was pushed tender first down into the Quorn and Woodhouse turntable well. Poor Cock o' the North lay bruised and bemused in the turntable well. His tender had toppled over onto its side, spilling its load of coal everywhere, while Cock o' the North himself was perched against the side. Blossom surveyed the damage.

"Hello Cock o' the North, are you being a good gracious engine?" she asked, "Beg pardon of course, but we really don't like this sort of surprise. The railway's going to miss its turntable until it's mended thanks to this." Cock o' the North felt very miserable. He groaned:

"Oh cock."

Cock o' the North had to wait until that evening for the breakdown cranes arrived to hoist him and his tender out of the turntable well. The breakdown cranes hoisted the tender out first, but of course this meant that the spilt coal was left in the well. With the tender lowered onto one of two flatbed trucks provided, the breakdown cranes then turned their attention to Cock o' the North himself. The workmen attached the crane hooks to the engine and then slowly and carefully, Cock o' the North was lifted out of the turntable well. As he was still being suspended in the air, the GCR Controller came to see him.

"I'm sorry sir." said Cock o' the North sadly, "I should've listened to the advise Blossom gave me earlier. I don't feel good gracious, whatever it is, I just feel silly."

"Well Cock o' the North," replied the GCR Controller, "The engines and myself did warn you and now you know the damage the trucks on this line can really do."

"Yes I do sir." groaned Cock o' the North, "Now I just look like a load of scrap iron."

"Hahaha, oh I don't think so." laughed the GCR Controller, "You do need to go to the works to be mended though." Cock o' the North was eventually lowered onto the other provided flatbed truck. As this point, the other engines were now feeling sorry for him. Blossom watched as Ashley arrived to take Cock o' the North to the works.

"The heritage line won't be the same without you!" called Blossom as she watched Ashley take Cock o' the North away, "Come back soon!"

A few days later, Cock o' the North did indeed come back. While he was at the works, he underwent a repaint from lined black to Brunswick green and his new paintwork was gleaming brighter than ever. He was a wiser engine now as well, and never made a mistake about the trucks on the GCR again.

**And that's episode 1 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Oliver Owns Up'**_** and the start of my new project. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise of it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	2. North Yorkshire Moors Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - it's announced that the engines can be decorated, Kenneth Aldcroft's refuses to enter a competition and an accident sees some apples get smashed.**

Episode 2: Best Dressed Who!

It was may day in Great Britain and all the engines on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway were celebrating. They knew there'd be music and lots of fun. All the stations on the railway were being decorated and the NYMR Controller had decided that all the engines can be decorated also. Some of the engines were discussing what they were going to wear in the yards outside Grosmont station.

"I'm going to have flags and streamers." whistled Peggy.

"I'm going to have a big red banner." Raven chimed in.

"What decorations will you have Kenneth Aldcroft?" asked Hartland.

"Decorations aren't dignified for a fine engine like me. Besides, I've got expresses to take down the line." Kenneth Aldcroft huffed. He was feeling insulted as he wheeshed out of the yards. Later that morning, Kenneth Aldcroft was pulling a passenger train down the line. The mind of the LMS Black 5 no.44806 though was locked on what the L.H.J.C no.29 **(Peggy)**, the LNER Q6 no.63395 **(Raven)** and the SR West Country no.34101 **(Hartland)** were saying earlier.

"Silly little engines." he grunted indignantly. Meanwhile, Raven was now enjoying herself as she was bringing the maypole. She saw up ahead that she was approaching a level crossing. All the people at the crossing cheered and waved and Raven whistled happily as she passed by.

That afternoon, all the engines were at the sheds getting their decorations put on them. Peggy's driver was rapping streamers and flags around her funnel. Raven had a big red banner on her tanks. Even Hartland was being decorated, although she was feeling rather shy about it. Daniel was also being decorated, when the BR Standard Class 4 2-6-4T no.80135 had an idea.

"How about this for an idea my fellow engines. How about we have a competition for the best dressed engine." he suggested. Peggy, Raven and Hartland all seemed to like the idea. Just then, Kenneth Aldcroft shunted in.

"A competition?" he puffed, "I'm bound to win any competition."

"You'll have to be decorated first Kenneth Aldcroft mate." said Daniel, "This' a best dressed engine competition."

"Not me!" huffed Kenneth Aldcroft, "You'll never, I repeat, NEVER catch me looking so ridiculous!" And with that, he stormed away from the shed.

"I wonder why Kenneth Aldcroft doesn't like being decorated?" thought Hartland.

"Well it's believed that he thinks it's beneath his dignity." replied Peggy.

"Shame that because I'd actually like to see Magpie all coated up with flags, streamers and banners." giggled Raven.

Soon, all the engines were wearing their decorations and they all looked and felt splendid. All except for Kenneth Aldcroft because he was cross.

"Decorations are just undignified, huh! Who cares about a competition anyway!" he fumed as he puffed along the line with his passengers en route for Grosmont station. Soon, he could see a decorated Goathland station up ahead. A banner promoting the lines may day festival was hung on the station bridge. Then there was trouble. Kenneth Aldcroft wasn't timetabled to stop at Goathland so as he puffed through, a strong gust of wind blew the banner loose from the bridge and it wrapped itself lovingly around his firebox. Kenneth Aldcroft was now blind and he couldn't see the line ahead. Kenneth Aldcroft tried to blow and wheesh the banner off and out of his face but the damn thing wouldn't budge.

"I'm blind driver, I'm blind!" he whistled loudly to his driver, "Please make me stop so we can get this freaking banner off of me!"

"I can't stop you now Kenneth Aldcroft!" the driver called back, "You're pulling an express train here and we must get to Grosmont on time, so we have to keep going!" This meant that poor Kenneth Aldcroft would have to carry on his journey completely blind. Meanwhile, Amara the traction engine was slowly chugging along, pulling a cart load of apples for the children's apple bob. At this point though she'd reached a level crossing. The gates were open for her, meaning she could cross. She'd just reached the half way point when she heard a low-toned, booming whistle.

"Uh oh, Kenneth Aldcroft's coming!" she cried. Amara was going as fast as she could. Unfortunately though, it wasn't fast enough. As Kenneth Aldcroft came into view, much to the shock of Amara, he burst through the crossing gates and simply brushed the cart to the side. Amara's driver looked back and saw that not only was the cart destroyed but also that the apples were all smashed.

"Kenneth Aldcroft!" shouted Amara furiously.

"Sorry!" Kenneth Aldcroft called back as he wheeshed into the distance still not knowing where he was going or what was going on around him…apart from what happened just now.

Meanwhile, up at Grosmont station, Daniel was the last engine to join the competition as he puffed into the station of the same line as Peggy, Raven and Hartland. They were on the same line so that there was room for Kenneth Aldcroft to enter the station on the other track. Well, or so Daniel thought he was the last engine to enter the competition because everyone then heard a whistle.

"Here comes Kenneth Aldcroft!" cried the passengers. And they were right. Kenneth Aldcroft steamed out of the tunnel, puffed over the level crossing and wheeshed into the station furiously. He'd finally managed to get the banner out of his eyes, meaning he could at last see where he was going, but it was still attached to his firebox. The other engines could help but laugh at the mere sight of him.

"We didn't think you wanted to be decorated Magpie." teased Raven.

"I didn't!" Kenneth Aldcroft fumed as he let off steam angrily, also wishing that Raven would stop freaking calling him by that stupid nickname of his!

"Well one thing's for sure, you're definitely the best dressed engine Kenneth Aldcroft mate!" Daniel announced. All of the other engines agreed.

"Lets hear it for the winner of the best dressed engine competition, Kenneth Aldcroft!" called Peggy, "Pip pip, hooray! Pip pip, hooray" Pip pip, hooray!"

"Well done Kenneth Aldcroft." cheered Hartland. Kenneth Aldcroft was secretly pleased. However, he didn't think it was dignified of him to say so. Silly Magpie.

"HEY, DON'T YOU START CALLING ME BY THAT FREAKING NICKNAME MR NARRATOR YOU HATEFUL IMBECILE!"

Err…Sorry.

"You'd better be! And from now on, I don't want to be referred to by that nickname again! Especially from you Raven!"

"Aw, but I like referring to you by your nickname!"

"Well don't because it's very, very annoying!"

"Aw drat, drat and double drat."

"As for the rest of you, remember what I just said! From now on, none of you are to call me Magpie! And if you do, by god I cannot be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you! Is that clear?!"

"Yes Kenneth Aldcroft."

"Whatever Magpie."

"WHAT DID I JUSY SAY RAVEN YOU SON OF A…!"

**And that's episode 2 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Best Dressed Engine'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	3. Severn Valley Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a Deltic causes fury, there's a GWR doubleheader and we see what's going on with some engines inside a building.**

Episode 3: Tribulations of the Hat

Kinlet Hall's visit to the Severn Valley Railway was coming to an end. The GWR Hall no.4936 was leaving the railway tomorrow.

"We shall miss you Kinlet Hall." the SVR Controller said to her. He then turned his attention to all the other engines. "My railway's very busy and I'm pleased with you all but you need help. A diesel's all that's available, or more specifically Class 55 Deltic no.55 019 _'Royal Highland Fusilier'_. So while he's staying here, please do your best to avoid any err…disturbances." And then he left. Gary was confused though about what the SVR Controller had just said.

"What does that mean?" the GWR 4500 no.4566 whispered curiously to The Flying Pig.

"That means this diesel's difficult little Gary!" the LMS Ivatt Class 4 no.43106 snapped. And indeed he was. When Royal Highland Fusilier arrived at the sheds at Bridgnorth where all the other engines were, he surveyed his surroundings.

"Not bad, I've seen worse. At least you're all clean." he sneered as all the engines glared at him, "It's not your fault but your controller should scrap you and get engines like me. A pour of oil, a touch on the starter and I'm off, no bother and no waiting. They have to fuss around all of you lot for hours before you're even ready." All the engines were left fuming at Royal Highland Fusilier's words, they were all wheeshing steam and blowing their whistles out of pure frustration.

The next morning, Kinlet Hall's final day, all the steam engines were having an indignation meeting around the sheds.

"Disgraceful!" mumbled Sir Keith Park the SR Battle of Britain no.34053.

"Disgusting!" huffed Erlestoke Manor the GWR Manor no.7812.

"Despicable!" spluttered Churchward the GWR 2800 no.2857.

"To say such things to us!" cried Collette the GWR 1400 no.1450.

"Yes indeed Collette!" agreed Natasha the GWR 1500 no.1501, "It's to teach him a lesson we'd be wanting!"

"And we want to help you!" called a couple of voices. All the engines looked and saw two of the lines resident diesels, Class 52 Western no.D1062 _'Western Courier'_ and Class 42 Warship no.D821 _'Greyhound'_.

"We don't trust Royal Highland Fusilier." said Western Courier.

"So we want to help you get back at him." added Greyhound.

"Thanks boys." smiled Kinlet Hall, "Now how can we pay him back?"

The chance came sooner than expected though. Royal Highland Fusilier was in Kidderminster Yard and he was purring comfortably. An inspector watched as the fitter was making some final adjustments. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind tugged at the inspectors hat and blew it right off of his head. The fitter failed to realise though as he'd now finished making those final adjustments. Royal Highland Fusilier was ready.

"Look at me Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor, now I'll show you both something." he purred as he rolled proudly towards some coaches in the coach shed. Then…it happened. The sounds of splutters could be heard from Royal Highland Fusilier as he began to jitter and jolt. Shaking and spluttering, he eventually came to a stop just in front of the coaches. Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor couldn't stop themselves from bursting out into fits of laughter. They both laughed and laughed at the sorry sight of Royal Highland Fusilier. Meanwhile, the inspector was looking for his hat.

Royal Highland Fusilier was seething with fury as Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor pushed him back into the siding he was originally in. It was hear that the inspector noticed something.

"My hat!" he exclaimed, "Royal Highland Fusilier has sucked through his air intake!"

"Bother your hat!" said the SVR Controller, "A heavy passenger train's due out! You'll have to take it Erlestoke Manor! Kinlet Hall, will you have please?"

"Yes and thank you sir!" cried Kinlet Hall happily, "I'd like a good run across this beautiful railway in my last hours here!" The coaches were already waiting for the duo at the platform. Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor took on more coal and water before manoeuvring themselves onto the main route and were coupled up to the coaches which were beginning to fill up with passengers. Before long, everything was ready. All the passengers were onboard and Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor were raring to go with Kinlet Hall at the front.

"Alright you two, you're not timetabled to stop at Bewdley and Caprotti will take over the train at Arley so make sure you get the train there." the SVR Controller told them, "Good luck to you both!"

"Oh don't you worry sir." smiled Kinlet Hall, "We'll get there and be early to." Just then, the guard blew his whistle. Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor whistled back. From the siding, Royal Highland Fusilier was grumbling as he watched the train depart from the station. The cavalcade puffed carefully out of the station and out onto the open line.

"Now it's time for a sprint Erlestoke!" puffed Kinlet Hall.

"I'm ready when you are Kinlet!" replied Erlestoke Manor. The speed limit on the Severn Valley was 25mph, but Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor didn't mind this though. They were soon whizzing along the line, across countryside and through level crossings and tunnels. They steamed through Bewdley station, delighting the watching passengers. Even the diesel that was at the station, Class 50 Hoover no.50 026 _'Indomitable'_ was impressed.

"Go on you two, show Royal Highland Fusilier that steam engines are just as useful as us diesels!" he cheered.

Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor were having a fantastic time as they raced along the line en route for Highley. Nothing was going to slow them down as they maintained their 25mph speed throughout the journey…well for most of it anyway especially since the tight turns leading to Victoria Bridge slowed them down a bit, but they were still on course though. Nice and early, they soon arrived at Arley station where Caprotti was waiting and the BR Standard Class 5 no.73129 was pleased to see them.

"Hello you two." he greeted, "You've arrived nice and early. I guess that's one in the eye for the headlamp for an old diesel. In fact, Churchward told me a few minutes ago that Royal Highland Fusilier's as sick as boiler sludge and sulking in the shed. So I guess that serves him right for saying we're out of date." Kinlet Hall and Erlestoke Manor laughed as Caprotti chortled away.

That late afternoon, all the engines were gathered at Kidderminster station to say goodbye to Kinlet Hall.

"Come back and see us soon!" whistled all the engines.

"And I hope you can all join me and my friends on the mainline one day." smiled Kinlet Hall as she changed tracks so she was on the mainline and then whistled farewell to the engines. But I know what you're thinking at this point, 'what about Royal Highland Fusilier?' Well he was still being mended in the siding at Kidderminster Yard and he was now feeling very sorry for himself. Just then, to his surprise, Erlestoke Manor came up to see him.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

"A bit better." replied Royal Highland Fusilier, "Look Erlestoke Manor, I'm sorry about the way I acted. I guess I was proven wrong, the heritage railways really do need steam engines. Can we be friends?"

"Apology accepted and of course we can be friends." agreed Erlestoke Manor. Royal Highland Fusilier smiled happily. When he was eventually mended, he was a much more humble diesel engine and was friendly to every passenger and engine he spoke to. At least he now knew why heritage railways needed steam engines.

The end…hey wait a minute, what about the engines in the Engine House outside Highley station. Well, there're 9 engines that are currently on static display in the Engine House and they are:

LMS Black 5 no.45110 _'RAF Biggin Hill'_ .

WD Austerity 2-10-0 no.600 _'Gordon'_ **(yes, he shares his name with the Thomas character)**.

Manchester Ship Canal Hunslet 0-6-0T no.686 _'The Lady Armaghdale'_.

LMS Ivatt Class 2 no.46443 **(who we shall name Mickey)**.

GWR 4300 no.7325 **(who we shall name Charles)**.

LMS 3F Jinty no.47383 **(who we shall name Minty, Minty the Jinty)**.

BR Standard Class 4 2-6-4T no.80079 **(who we shall name Danielle)**.

LMS 8F no.48773 **(who we shall name Finney, you'll remember he got a mention in episode 1)**. And finally, a narrow gauge engine:

Falcon Works 0-4-2ST no.3 _'Sir Haydn'_.

I wonder what they're all talking about at the moment? Well, lets go and find out shall we?

"Is that really what you think?" asked Mickey, "Finney just because you've been to a number of different countries throughout your life, it's made to be believed that you're Britain's most travelled preserved locomotive, is that what you think?"

Finney looked at Mickey confused. "Well that's because…"

"It doesn't matter what you think!"

"Err, Mickey was that really necessary?" asked Charles.

"Yeah, why can't you just shut up!" added Minty angrily.

"You may be known as the 'Peoples Engine' around here Mickey, but that doesn't mean you can act like the 'Peoples Champion' Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson!" RAF Biggin Hill informed, "I really don't know why you bother sometimes." he sighed.

"Is Mickey always like this?" asked Sir Haydn.

"Oh don't get me started." replied The Lady Armaghdale.

"Well, at least it's not as bad as Gordon constantly derailing his tender when he was running tender first eh?" asked Danielle cheekily.

"Oh, the indignity!" groaned Gordon as all the other engines laughed.

**And that's episode 3 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Bowled Out'**_**. Please review and I request criticism. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	4. Talyllyn Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we have our first episode set on a narrow gauge railway, some trucks do a runner and a piece of track gets damaged.**

Episode 4: Trucks and Special Funnels

With Sir Haydn visiting the Severn Valley, his friends at his home, the narrow gauge Talyllyn Railway **(a real life version of the Skarloey Railway)**, were having to cope without him. They found work without Sir Haydn relatively easy though, but they did miss their friend all the same. As the little engines work everyday, the crisp air would always put them in a good mood. Well…all except no.6 _'Douglas'_ **(yes, he shares the same name as the Thomas character)**, he was complaining. He was constantly having to work with trucks over the past few days and he was getting fed up with it. Even the trucks were starting to dislike Douglas and began plotting ways to pay him back. Douglas biffed and bashed some trucks about the yard.

"Come along you horrible boxes on wheels, get in line!" he ordered.

"Oh, oh, oh!" screamed the trucks as they were roughly manoeuvred into position. They were soon ready to go but they weren't pleased. As Douglas set off with them, they had an idea of how to get back at him. Douglas puffed along the line, rocking and rolling as he went. He soon steamed past no.4 _'Edward Thomas'_ who was taking on more coal in a siding. Edward Thomas politely whistled hello but Douglas didn't whistle back. Edward Thomas huffed indignantly, how dare Douglas be so rude like that! As Douglas puffed on, his rocking and rolling soon led to a problem.

"Your water tanks are running dry Douglas!" called his driver, "We'd better find the nearest water tower and stop for more!"

"Huh, this' gonna make me late!" Douglas complained.

"Well you shouldn't have been rocking and rolling then, it wastes water!" said his driver angrily. Douglas just wheeshed onwards. They soon found a water tower and stopped so the driver and fireman can start filling up Douglas' tanks. However, while they were doing so, the trucks quickly grew bored, so they decided to put their plan into action.

"Lets break away!" they giggled. Their loads of coal were heavy and their couplings were old. With a strong tug, on of the old couplings snapped. Douglas and hid footplate crew heard the snap of the coupling and could do nothing but look back and gasp as the trucks rolled away from them.

"Faster, faster!" shouted the trucks and they rumbled along the line. Meanwhile, Edward Thomas had just finished taking on more coal and was about to puff out of the siding when he heard a strange noise. The points ahead were switched for him but he wasn't focussing on that.

"Hey, do you guys here something?" he asked his footplate crew.

"Yeah." agreed the driver.

"I wonder what's making that noise?" thought the fireman. They found out soon enough as the trucks came racing over the points and straight towards them.

"Holy crap!" they all cried together. The driver and fireman quickly ran to safety. Unable to do anything, Edward Thomas shut his eyes and braced himself. With a loud CRASH, the trucks smashed into Edward Thomas, sending themselves into pieces and causing major damage to Edward Thomas. Poor Edward Thomas was trapped and badly hurt. His footplate crew were quick to raise the alarm of the accident. Edward Thomas had to wait a few hours before no.2 _'Dolgoch'_ arrived bringing the workmen to help clear up the mess.

"Bust my buffers!" Dolgoch exclaimed, "Never mind Edward Thomas, we'll soon have you out of that mess!" The workmen were soon hard at work rescuing Edward Thomas from the rubble. Many, many minutes later, Edward Thomas was finally free from the wreckage but he felt battered, his funnel was cracked and his boiler dented.

"Thank you Dolgoch." sighed Edward Thomas weakly.

"You're welcome Edward Thomas. Now lets get you back to the shed." smiled Dolgoch and he puffed into the siding and was coupled up to Edward Thomas. Then, he gently took him home to the shed.

When Edward Thomas was brought back to the shed, Douglas was already there.

"I'm sorry about your accident." said Douglas apologetically, "I always stand well back because trucks don't like me."

"Why didn't you warn me?!" asked Edward Thomas angrily.

"I didn't think." replied Douglas quietly.

"You never do!" boomed a stern sounding voice belonging to the Talyllyn Controller, "You can start thinking now as you do Edward Thomas' work as well as your own!"

By the time Edward Thomas was eligible to return to work, it was winter time. It was cold and blustery today and Edward Thomas was puffing nervously along the line. When he was told he could go back to work, he thought all his damaged components had been fixed, but he was wrong. Even though his cracked funnel was mended, it was wobbling about right above him. It'd never been the same since his accident with the trucks and now the biting wind was trying to blow it away. He returned to the sheds that evening with the other engines.

"My funnel feels wobbly!" he complained, "I really do wish manager would hurry up with my new one because he says it would be something special!"

"You and your special funnel!" laughed the other engines. They were fond of Edward Thomas but his special funnel had become quite a joke. As the days went by, the winter winds were growing worse. The rain came to and it was turning hillside streams into torrents which threatened to wash the line away. The little diesel that was no.5 _'Midlander'_ was working hard carrying workmen up and down the railway. They were removing branches and leaves so the water could flow away. However, one morning, the driver of Midlander had brought some bad news.

"There has been a washout down the line! A piece of track has been swept away so we must repair the damage immediately!"

"Right, I'm on it!" replied Midlander determined. As quickly as he possibly could, he collected some workmen and raced down the track to where the washout had taken place. He soon arrived and gasped at the sight of the damage. The rails were gone and the water was rushing straight through the scene of the disaster. The important work of fixing the track took longer than expected but the workmen just kept on going, restoring the bank and relaying the tracks. As days went by during the operation, the weather changed. It was now becoming frosty and much colder than before. Eventually though, the workmen finally finished the repairs and the track was now as good as new, and this meant that services could now resume as normal. Edward Thomas was most careful as he took a morning passenger service over the mended piece of track. It wasn't long before he came across some trees with low hanging branches. What Edward Thomas didn't know as he approached the area was that he was heading for trouble. As he cautiously puffed along, his driver suddenly spotted something.

"There's something hanging from that branch!" he shouted. But it was already too late. With a loud BANG, Edward Thomas came out of that contact a different looking engine. He looked up and noticed that he no longer had his funnel.

"Argh, I'm bald!" he cried. The guard then walked up to him.

"Here's what hit you Edward Thomas!" he called as he produced a thick and cold icicle. With the icicle put away, they had no luck trying to find the lost funnel so they just set off again. However, without the funnel, the journey was very difficult. As they struggled onwards, the fireman suddenly spotted something lying beside the track. He told the driver to stop the train so he could take a closer look.

"Hey look, a drainpipe! We can use that instead of your funnel Edward Thomas" he said, "At least it'll help control the smoke!" He went to pick up the drainpipe and went to ask the guard for some rope. With the rope, the fireman and driver used it to attach the drainpipe in the exact place the funnel would go. With the drainpipe in place, they set off once more. Edward Thomas eventually arrived at the final station, all the other engines were there and when they noticed the drainpipe roped onto Edward Thomas' boiler, they all laughed and no.1 _'Talyllyn'_ spotted a chance for a tease.

"What was that you were saying about your special funnel Edward Thomas?" he smirked, "I wonder how a drainpipe's going to put us all to shame!" The other engines went back to laughing and as the days went on, the teasing would continue, much to the annoyance of Edward Thomas.

Eventually though, the day of the arrival of his new funnel finally came. The Talyllyn Controller proudly presented it to him. However, when Edward Thomas first laid eyes on his new funnel, he looked rather confused.

"Oh dear." he exclaimed, "I don't remember my funnel looking like that. It looks as though someone has squashed it."

The Talyllyn Controller laughed. "Don't you worry Edward Thomas, this new funnel's something very special indeed. You'll soon see." And guess what, he was right! When Edward Thomas had the new funnel attached later that morning, he went to work and immediately felt better. His new funnel, a special pipe, was making puffing much easier and it made him feel stronger.

"I feel stronger than ever before!" he puffed.

Even no.7 _'Tom Rolt'_ was impressed. "I just can't seem to understand it." he said, "Edward Thomas seems to just stroll along the line. He makes work look so easy." Tom Rolt and the other engines don't laugh at Edward Thomas' funnel now because they wish that they had one like it.

**And that's episode 4 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Special Funnel'**_** which also featured a hint of **_**'Trucks'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	5. Bluebell Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a suggestion is made, we watch some cricket and a chase's on.**

Episode 5: No Game Without the Ball

On the Bluebell Railway, Stepney was talking to the other engines. The LB&SCR Terrier no.55 had only just returned to work on the railway from being mended.

"I'm very lucky to be working here on the Bluebell." he said, "I mean, this lines got everything. It's long enough for us to have a good run and we all have plenty of passengers. Then, there's plenty of coal to go around so you'll need plenty of trucks. Trucks are fun and I really missed them while I was away being mended at the works." SE&CR P Class no.323 _'Bluebell'_, Fletcher Jennings 0-4-0T no.3 _'Captain Baxter'_ and SR S15 no.(30)847 **(who we shall name Holly)** were the engines he was talking to and all three felt sorry for their friend, though they were slightly surprised at how an engine can actually miss having fun with trucks.

"Don't worry Stepney, I'm pretty sure Holly will let you take some of her empty trucks there." Bluebell suggested.

"That's a very good idea Bluebell." agreed Captain Baxter.

"Well, as much as you're welcome to indeed take some of my empty trucks Stepney, I advise that you ask driver first." said Holly. So the drivers of Stepney and Holly had a discussion over the matter. They soon reached an agreement for Stepney to take a quarter of Holly's train of empty trucks to make things easier for Stepney once he got them to the coal yard. Soon, Stepney was coupled up to a quarter of Holly's train and he quickly and excitedly set off with Holly following behind him with the rest of the train. Bluebell and Captain Baxter watched speechlessly as the two engines puffed away down the line, they weren't expecting this to actually happen.

Stepney and Holly took the trucks to the coal yards where they waited for them to be loaded with coal. As Stepney had the shorter train, his trucks were loaded first. Once they were loaded, Stepney brought them into the station and got ready to set off down the line. He couldn't leave until SE&CR C Class no.592 _'The Green Dragon'_ **(as he was named in the feature film 'The Railway Children')** had arrived with a local passenger service. While Stepney was waiting, he was making pleasant conversation with SE&CR H Class no.263 **(who we shall name Wainwright)**. Wainwright was telling Stepney about some of the things he'd missed during his time at the works.

"…And that's how Richard learnt his lesson." Wainwright finished his latest story. Richard is SR U Class no.1638 just so you know.

"And he has been a better engine since I presume?" asked Stepney.

"Yep, he has been more friendly towards us and he's now an all round nice engine." smiled Wainwright. Just then, they heard a whistle. They looked ahead and spotted Green Dragon approaching.

"Hello you two!" he called. The two tank engines whistled hello back to him, "And now that I'm here, you're all clear to go Stepney!"

"Thanks Green Dragon!" replied Stepney and with a cheerful toot of his whistle, he puffed away with his coal trucks.

Stepney was really enjoying himself now. He was finally taking a train along the Bluebell Railway since his return from the works.

"Ah, this' the life." he sighed happily. Just then, he could see a red signal up ahead. When he stopped, he could also spot some locals playing a game of cricket in a nearby field.

"Good." said his driver, "While we wait at the signal, we can watch the game." Then there was trouble. The bowler bowled the ball and the batsman struck it. In fact, he hit the ball hard enough to make it go flying across the sky and towards Stepney's train.

"CLUNK!" went the signal as it changed from red to green. The cricket ball was now finally coming back down to earth. Unfortunately though, it thumped its way into one of the trucks. However, neither Stepney, his driver or his fireman had heard this. Stepney blew his whistle and puffed onwards.

"STOP!" yelled the cricket players. Stepney didn't hear them though.

"Come along, come along!" he puffed to the trucks.

"Our one and only ball!" cried the players as they watched Stepney steam into the distance. With Stepney and their one and only cricket ball gone, the players grouped together so they could discuss what to do now. They soon came to a decision which was to chase after Stepney and retrieve their cricket ball back from him. And luckily, they had just the vehicle for the job.

"Wake up Defender!" they said to their old 4x4 Land Rover, "The chase's on!" They quickly hopped inside and revved the engine. Defender coughed crossly as he rolled along the grass beside the line. Stepney wasn't hurrying but Defender soon came up behind him.

"Toot, toot!" he whaled. The players from inside Defender were all shouting but Stepney was still too far away for his driver and fireman to see or hear them. Eventually, the driver could hear strange noises coming from behind him and he looked back to see what it was. He then spotted the cricket players shouting at him from inside Defender.

"If those jokers want a race," he said, "They can have one! Faster Stepney, faster!" So he opened the regulator further resulting in Stepney picking up speed. Meanwhile, poor Defender had to turn away from the railway to find the quickest route, however he really wasn't happy at all as he rattled along the grass at twice his usual speed.

"I really shouldn't be treated like this!" he grumbled, "This pace's too hot for my system and it'll fuse all my circuits!" He was soon back alongside the rails, but Stepney was now nowhere to be seen.

"Hoorah!" cried Defender, "That silly train has sodded off into the distance and I cannot catch it anymore! So I can go home now!" Unfortunately though, he was wrong because the cricket players refused to give up. The driver continued to pound Defender along the grassy route until he finally found a tarmac road. And even then, he carried on pounding Defender as they headed towards a station. Stepney was already there and had dropped off his trucks when Defender clattered in.

"We need our ball back!" all the cricket players cried as they explained everything to Stepney's driver and fireman, who agreed to help them look for the ball. They knew that the ball was inside one of the trucks so they began searching each one to find the ball. The ball was nestled under some lumps of coal in the third truck from the brake van.

The player who found it picked it up and cried. "We've found it!"

"We're sorry we took the ball away from you." Stepney's driver said to him.

"Oh don't worry, you couldn't help it." replied the player, "Now, we must get back quickly."

"You'll be lucky." said the driver. Just then, he spotted something. "It looks like Defender's warn out." And he was as smoke was bellowing from his engine. The driver decided to talk to the stationmaster and the signalman and they all agreed a plan. They told Stepney to fetch a flatbed truck with a second brake van coupled behind it. When Stepney brought them, everyone worked together to get the heavy Defender onto the flatbed truck. When they eventually got Defender loaded onto the flatbed truck, all the cricket players crowded inside the brake van, which proved to be a bit of a tight squeeze. With everything ready, Stepney pulled the train back to the playing field.

Once back at the playing field, the cricketers carried on their game and everyone was enjoying watching them as runs, including some fours and sixes were scored, and some wickets and catches took place as well. Stepney's driver and fireman were among those watching the game. Even Defender was impressed as he enjoyed the game also.

"You don't trains are silly now, don't you Defender?" asked Stepney.

"Well, they certainly have their uses!" admitted Defender, "I mean, they really can save the wear on a poor cars wheels!"

**And that's episode 5 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Train Stops Play'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	6. Foxfield Light Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we meet a strange looking engine, we have another accident and the boss makes a phone call.**

Episode 6: Dubsy Comes to the Rescue

Dubsy is a Dubs and Company Crane Tank no.4101. He's the only working crane tank engine in the UK, possibly the world. However, when he made the move to the Foxfield Light Railway, he found it hard to make new friends, as you'll find out in this episode. So with that being said, let us begin!

All the engines on the Foxfield Light Railway, which were all tank engines, were loving their work on the railway. They were excited to because the Foxfield Controller had told them that a new engine was arriving this afternoon and they were all loving forward to meeting him. The new engine did indeed arrive that afternoon and Hunslet Austerity 0-6-0ST no.3694 _'Whiston'_ and W.G. Bagnall 0-6-0ST no.2 _'Florence'_, along with the Foxfield Controller and a bunch of gentlemen behind him were eagerly awaiting the new arrival. They then heard a toot of a whistle and the new engine puffed into sight. He stopped alongside the Foxfield Controller who introduced him.

"This' Dubsy the crane engine." he said grandly. Whiston and Florence thought Dubsy looked strange. "These gentlemen standing behind me are the railway board." the Foxfield Controller continued, "Tomorrow Dubsy will give them a demonstration and if it goes well, he'll join the railway."

"What's a devastation?" asked Florence confused.

"Demonstration!" Whiston corrected, "It's where you show off what you can do. Like how Roberto the bus, you know him, like how he likes to race the big engines on the mainline. You know, he always go 'Vroom, Vroom'!"

That evening, Whiston had just returned from a hard days work. He saw Dubsy parked outside the sheds. Dubsy could hear the other engines talking about him which was making him said.

"Dubsy's different." said Beyer, Peacock & Co. 0-4-0ST no.1827 **(who we shall name Carl)**.

"He doesn't even look like an engine! I'm mean, surely the Foxfield Controller won't let him pull coaches." sniffed Haydock Foundry 0-6-0WT no.C _'Bellerophon'_.

"He's not taking any of my trains!" huffed Florence, "Besides, he's just Cranky on wheels!" All the engines glared at Florence because of what she just said. Whiston heard all the engines and he almost immediately felt sorry for Dubsy. He puffed up to the miserable looking crane engine.

"Don't worry," Whiston assured, "Sometimes it takes time to make new friends." And with that, he joined his friends in the shed. Dubsy though really wasn't sure he wanted to stay here, especially when no one wanted him.

The next morning, the Foxfield Controller sent all the engines off to a useful days work. Well, all except Dubsy because he had his demonstration coming up. However, after what the other engines, except Whiston of course, had said to him last night, he was no longer feeling confident about it. Just then, the Foxfield Controller walked up to him.

"Hello Dubsy. What's the matter?" he asked.

"Maybe my coming here wasn't such a good idea sir." Dubsy chuffed sadly.

"Nonsense!" replied the Foxfield Controller.

"But the engines don't like me sir because I'm too different."

"And it's being different that makes you special." assured the Foxfield Controller with a smile. Those words made Dubsy feel better, he never thought of it that way before.

Meanwhile, there was trouble. Out on the line, Florence was having trouble with trucks.

"Faster we go, faster we go, pull her along, don't let her slow!" the trucks were singing.

"Help!" cried Florence. Her driver applied the brakes. It was too late though. The trucks derailed in the area where Dubsy's demonstration was going to take place. Most of the trucks were damaged in the crash and poor Florence was derailed. Her driver and fireman were pleased that their engine wasn't badly hurt but they were upset about the mess.

"We've blocked the demonstration area now!" cried the driver.

"Now calm down and just relax mate." assured the fireman, "I'll go and call for help."

Once the Foxfield first heard the news of the accident, he hurried over to Dubsy.

"Dubsy, Florence has had an accident in the demonstration area and I need you to rescue her, so consider this as the actual demonstration." Dubsy really didn't want to hear that last bit because it just piled on more pressure.

"I'll do my best sir." Dubsy said bravely and he set off once the Foxfield Controller was onboard his cab. While on route for the scene of the accident, the Foxfield Controller was making a call on his mobile.

"Hello, railway board gentlemen? Yes, I need you to get over here quickly, I've had to reschedule to start of Dubsy's demonstration and it'll be beginning as soon as we arrive at the scene of this accident that took place in the demonstration area, so I need you to get there as fast as you can okay? Right, bye!" He then hung up his mobile and put the phone in his blazer pocket. Dubsy was worrying all the way to the scene. He couldn't help wonder what would happen if he screwed this up, would he be sent away and scrapped? Well, whatever would happen to him, he had to get those dark thoughts out of his mind because he had a job to do. He soon arrived at the scene of the accident and not only could he see what he had to do, he could also the gentlemen of the railway board all firmly locking their eyes onto him. Dubsy took a deep breath as he began operating his crane. It swung into position and the hook began to lower down towards Florence. The workmen that were also brought onto the scene attached the hook to Florence's front coupling. Dubsy then began to raise the hook again. Florence was very heavy and Dubsy was getting tired rather easily, but he refused to give up. Eventually, Dubsy managed to get Florence back on the tracks. The watching Foxfield Controller and the gentlemen of the railway board were all very impressed. However, Dubsy's job wasn't finished yet because he now had to sort out the trucks. One by one, he brought the not too damaged trucks back onto the tracks in the same way as he did with Florence. He then shunted the rescued trucks in line and moved them out of the way. With Dubsy's work done, the Foxfield Controller walked up to him after receiving the decision from the gentlemen of the railway board.

"That was the best demonstration of all Dubsy!" he smiled, "In fact, the gentlemen of the railway board have decided that you shall join the railway."

"Oh thank you sir!" replied Dubsy proudly.

That night at the sheds, Dubsy heard the engines talking again. This time though, it was different.

"Well done Dubsy." smiled Carl.

"Yes, thank you so much for rescuing me, you were very useful." added Florence.

"And we're all sorry about how we treated you." said Bellerophon.

"So you see Dubsy," assured Whiston, "Being different really can be a good thing in the end." All the engines agreed with Whiston.

"Welcome to the Foxfield Light Railway Dubsy!" they all called with a cheerful whistle. Dubsy smiled happily. Since that day, Dubsy has been working hard on the Foxfield Light Railway, whether he was rescuing another engine after an accident or even pulling a train, which in his case were goods trains. He has managed to successfully prove himself to the other engines and he's now a really useful engine indeed.

**And that's episode 6 of ASOLH done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Harvey to the Rescue'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	7. West Somerset Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a mainline engine's complaining, some passengers get left behind and a freight engine's believed to have saved a life.**

Episode 7: The Earl Ran into the Wrong Way

The West Somerset Railway is important, very popular and at 22 miles, it's the longest heritage railway in the UK. In fact, the steam special known as 'The Whistling Ghost' goes straight through the WSR to and from the mainline. One day though, the way mainline engine Earl of Mount Edgcumbe was talking, you would've thought that the organisers of the special had decided to take this route for quite another reason. Earl of Mount Edgcumbe had brought the Whistling Ghost special onto the WSR and while it was now travelling all the way down the line behind GWR Hall no.6960 _'Raveningham Hall'_, the Earl was at Bishops Lydeard station taking on water and the GWR Castle no.5043 was talking to his fellow mainline engine, who was based on the WSR, and that was King Edward I, the GWR King no.6024.

"It's not fair!" grumbled Earl of Mount Edgcumbe.

"What isn't fair?" asked King Edward I.

"Allowing this mainline steam special to go along this branch line! I mean, it's a mainline steam special so why should it come down here?!" Earl of Mount Edgcumbe complained, "I must admit, I'm surprised you're ok with this Eddie, I mean just like me, you're a mainline engine so you should be on my side here!"

"That's probably because I live and work here when I don't have any jobs to do on the mainline." replied King Edward I, "I wouldn't worry about it too much though Earl, I mean I'm pretty sure while you're here, our Clayton will let you pull his trucks sometime." he joked.

Earl of Mount Edgcumbe spluttered. "What did you say?! You hateful imbecile! I simply refuse to pull those dirty trucks from that damn 7F! Besides, since the Whistling Ghost does have to come this way, I'm glad Raveningham Hall takes over from me here!"

"Oh really? And why's that?" asked King Edward I.

"The organisers of the special would never approve if I went all the way down the WSR. And I find that understandable because to me, branch lines are vulgar!" And with that, and with his water tanks full, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe puffed crossly away en route for the mainline. King Edward I just chuckled and set off down the WSR and back to work.

That evening Earl of Mount Edgcumbe and King Edward I were both at Taunton station with their own steam specials that they were taking. Earl of Mount Edgcumbe was going to leave first with an express for the mainline and five minutes later King Edward I will depart with the Whistling Ghost special en route for the WSR. Everything was going well so far…but things were just about to change for the worse. A lady was standing on the platform in a green floppy hat and she was saying goodbye to a friend who had already got onboard one of the coaches on Earl of Mount Edgcumbe's train. Looking at the clock, it was nearly time for Earl of Mount Edgcumbe to set off for the mainline with his express. His fireman looked back down the train and he saw something green waving.

"Right away mate!" he called. Unfortunately though, he mistook the green floppy hat the lady was wearing for the guard waving his flag so he told the driver it was time to go, and the driver believed him and so did Earl of Mount Edgcumbe. With a toot of his whistle, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe puffed out of the station, leaving luggage, passengers and the guard all standing on the platform. Everyone was very surprised and they all weren't afraid to let out their frustrations.

"Oi, where's he going?! What does he mean by leaving us behind?! The ungrateful S.O.B!" they were all shouting. The guard had tried to blow his whistle in an attempt to stop Earl of Mount Edgcumbe, that didn't work either though. Even King Edward I was confused.

"Earl wait, the guard hasn't waved his flag yet!" he called out. Earl of Mount Edgcumbe didn't hear him though. It wasn't until the driver looked back and saw the complaining passengers that he finally stopped the train.

"What the…why've we stopped?" asked Earl of Mount Edgcumbe confused.

"Yeah is there a problem?" asked the fireman.

"Of course there's a problem you moron, look back down there!" fumed the driver. The fireman looked back and saw the complaining passengers.

"Oh bloody hell!" he cried, "Well, I suppose we'd better go back and pick them up." Earl of Mount Edgcumbe began reversing back toward Taunton station to pick up those passengers. To make matters worse though was that by the time Earl of Mount Edgcumbe was brought back into the station, King Edward I was already late with the Whistling Ghost special. So now, he set off first as he left a red faced Earl of Mount Edgcumbe behind. However, the signalman at the junction wasn't informed about the change. This meant that by mistake, King Edward I was sent along the mainline. Earl of Mount Edgcumbe meanwhile, by the time he was finally able to depart Taunton station, we sent along the branch and towards the WSR. He abandoned the coaches leaving the disappointed passengers to find a different way home and he then puffed all the way to the end of the WSR at Minehead. He stopped in a siding just behind the sheds, so hopefully when the WSR engines woke up tomorrow, they won't spot him behind them.

Next morning, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe thankfully wasn't spotted by the WSR engines. However, with them all at work, how was he going to get back to the mainline without being spotted. He didn't want the WSR engines to see him because they'd just laugh at him. He was just about to puff away when he heard a couple of whistles. Poor Earl of Mount Edgcumbe groaned, he'd now been spotted. Into the yards came GWR 5101 Class no.4160 **(who we shall name Graham)** and GWR 4500 Class no.4561 **(who we shall name Perry)**. There weren't any trucks for them to shunt but they didn't mind that because teasing Earl of Mount Edgcumbe would be much better fun.

"What's that?" asked Graham.

"Shh." whispered Perry, "It's Earl of Mount Edgcumbe."

"It looks like Earl of Mount Edgcumbe, but it can't be! I mean, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe never comes on the branch lines because he thinks they're vulgar." smirked Graham. Earl of Mount Edgcumbe pretended he hadn't heard them.

"Well, if it isn't Earl of Mount Edgcumbe," said Perry, "It could be his sister Nunney Castle."

"Well whichever one it is, it just looks like a pile of old iron to me so we'd better take it to the scrap yard straight away." said Graham.

"No Graham, this lot's useless for scrap." replied Perry, "I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll keep it here and we can just dump it in the sea over there."

Earl of Mount Edgcumbe gasped and blew his alarmingly. "I AM Earl of Mount Edgcumbe! Stop, stop!" he cried. Graham and Perry just laughed, until they were silenced by the sound of a different whistle. When Clayton the S&DJR 7F no.88 suddenly arrived, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe thought him the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. Hey wait a minute, does this mean Earl of Mount Edgcumbe's gay?…Err, oh never mind!

"Clayton my dear engine, save me!" Earl of Mount Edgcumbe begged. Clayton quickly sized up the situation and threatened to take away the trucks he'd brought for Graham and Perry. This made the two tank engines behave at once and as they puffed away, Earl of Mount Edgcumbe thought Clayton was wonderful.

"Those little demons! How do you do it?" he asked.

"Oh well," smiled Clayton, "It's just a knack." Earl of Mount Edgcumbe still believes that Clayton saved his life. But we all know that Graham and Perry were only teasing, don't we?

WELL…DON'T WE?!

**And that's episode 7 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Wrong Road'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	8. Mid Hants Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - the country has gone all white, a cat gets insulted and a U-Boat gets decorated.**

Episode 8: River Torridge's Snowman

It had been snowing in Great Britain and as all the roads were closed by the snow, the engines on the Watercress Line, which's the marketing name for the Mid Hants Railway, continued to puff along their rails, delivering passengers or goods…but because of the snow, it was primarily goods to keep nearby residents safe and warm from the freezing cold conditions. However, there was one engine on the Watercress Line who really hated snow and that was SR U Class no.31806 _'River Torridge'_. She always believed that the snow was cold and messy. One morning, River Torridge was talking to Spike the brake van about her hatred for snow.

"I'm a Southern Railway U-Boat!" River Torridge complained, "I shouldn't have to shiver!"

"Begging your pardon Ms River Torridge," said Spike, "But I think snow's splendid."

"I agree with Spike on this River Torridge." said SR West Country no.34007 _'Wadebridge'_ as he clanked into the yard, "I love the snow, yes it causes problems, but it just looks so beautiful."

"Grrrr!" growled River Torridge angrily.

Early that afternoon, River Torridge was taking some goods along the line. She saw some children building a snowman for the winter festival. Every time River Torridge puffed past them, she could see the snowman getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

"Just an observation Ms River Torridge but snow's magical."

"Oh pah! What do you know Spike!"

The snowman was finally complete and he was standing proud and tall. River Torridge was chuffing back to the warm and comfort of the sheds. When she arrived, she found the Watercress Controller waiting for her.

"I need you back out on the tracks River Torridge because I need you to deliver some goods for the festival." he boomed.

"But sir, all this snow makes my wheels feel chilly!" River Torridge complained.

"Really useful engine work hard whatever the weather!" the Watercress Controller angrily reminded. Reluctantly, River Torridge steamed away. River Torridge was coupled up to the trucks with Spike acting as the brake van again. River Torridge wanted to get this job over and done with, but she couldn't leave because she had to wait for the trucks to be loaded with the goods for the festival. While she was impatiently waiting, SR Schools Class no.925 _'Cheltenham'_ puffed into the yards.

"Lighten up River Torridge." she smiled, "You should be happy over the fact that you're helping out with the winter festival, not grumpy over the fact that you have to work in the snow, which by the way I absolutely admire."

"Oh no, not you as well Cheltenham! First Spike, then Wadebridge and now you seemingly love the snow!" groaned River Torridge, "I mean, how can anyone, especially engines like us, even like the snow, it's cold and messy!"

"That may indeed be so but…wait messy?" spluttered Cheltenham, "Snow's not messy, it's lovely! It really does lighten up not just the railway but also the whole country, it looks magnificent!"

"Well it may lighten up the railway but it doesn't lighten up my mood!" huffed River Torridge crossly. Eventually, all the trucks were loaded with the goods needed for the festival and it was time for River Torridge to go. With an angry blow of her whistle, River Torridge steamed out of the yard with Spike and the trucks rattling behind her. As River Torridge puffed along the line, the snow was cold and she felt the freezing air blowing over her. Then there was trouble. The snow had frozen a set of points up ahead and River Torridge ended up being diverted into a siding.

"Oh shiver my boiler!" cried River Torridge. Her driver applied the brakes but River Torridge's wheels just skidded along the icy rails.

"Is there a problem Ms River Torridge?"

"Well let me put it this way Spike…YES, THERE IS!" screamed River Torridge as she burst through the buffers, forged her way through the snow and ended up crashing into the children's snowman. "Argh!"

"That could've been a little smoother." suggested Spike as he skidded alongside River Torridge just as the head of the snowman crashed onto the ground beside them. Poor River Torridge felt awful. She really did think that the children would be very upset about their snowman. Her driver carefully got out of the cab and went to get help. He found the nearest phone box and called the Watercress Controller.

The Watercress Controller was just about to leave his office when the telephone rang.

"Meow!"

"Oi, get out of the way you stupid cat! That bloody boggle-eyed fur ball!" The Watercress Controller then answered the phone. "Hello…River Torridge has had an accident has she?…Right, I'll have our resident mainline engine Lord Nelson send the breakdown crane first thing in the morning." He then hung up the phone and headed out of his office en route for home with his annoying cat following from behind. When River Torridge's driver returned to his engine, he told her the news.

"…so I'm afraid the breakdown crane's not going to be here until morning."

"I'm going to be out here all night!" shivered River Torridge.

"It looks that way I'm afraid." said her driver who then went to find a place to spend the night. He luckily found somewhere that had a warm and toasty spare room for him to stay in for the night. The same couldn't be said for River Torridge though. As the night wore on, she was getting colder and colder along with the weather and the temperatures. Her fire had gone out and her funnel was covered in icicles.

"I-I-I was right all along! There's n-n-nothing magical about snow! Oooooh!" she shivered.

Spike was beginning to think that River Torridge might be right. "Brrrrrr!"

The next morning, all the children arrived to see their snowman. When they saw the situation, they were surprised to find a sleeping River Torridge in its gut.

"Look everyone!" a little girl shouted, "Our snowman has eyes in its tummy!"

"No it doesn't, don't be so daft!" laughed a little boy, "It's only River Torridge!" That gave the children an idea. The idea had been completed by the time River Torridge woke up. When she opened her eyes, she saw that she was surrounded by the happy children.

"River Torridge makes a wonderful snow engine!" they cried. And they were right. Big stones were placed on the small slope of snow in front of River Torridge so they'd act as buttons and a big top hat was placed on River Torridge's funnel. River Torridge felt so relieved that she somehow wasn't feeling cold anymore. Just then, Lord Nelson arrived with the breakdown crane.

"Alright River Torridge, we'll get you back on the rails." the SR LN no.(30)850 said.

"Aw, do I have to my Lord, I'm just beginning to enjoy myself here!" replied River Torridge. She was really enjoying the winter festival. "I guess you were right Spike, there're some magical things about snow!" she called.

"Perhaps, Ms River Torridge." shivered Spike.

"Ooh, definitely!" River Torridge smiled.

**And that's episode 8 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Snow Engine'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	9. Swanage Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - an elephant's found in a shed, wind blows on a turntable and a previous character returns home.**

Episode 9: The Troublesome Engines Saga

On the Swanage Railway, GWR 5600 Class no.6695 **(who we shall name Benjamin)** was puffing into Wareham station with a small local passenger service. The Swanage Controller was on the platform. Upon the arrival of Benjamin, he looked at his pocket watch.

"Well done Benjamin, you're right on time and really reliable." he said.

"Thank you sir." replied Benjamin as he puffed away upon hearing the guards whistle.

"Ooh, right on time and really reliable." smiled the coaches. Meanwhile, SR Battle of Britain no.34070 _'Manston'_, SR West Country no.34028 _'Eddystone'_ and SECR N Class no.31874 _'Brian Fisk'_ were all complaining. As the resident tank engines had their own jobs to do on the railway, it meant these three had more work to do and had to fetch their own coaches, which they really didn't like one bit. Every time they had to do such a thing, they'd constantly grumble about it.

"We get no rest, we get no rest!" they all complained.

The coaches only laughed at them though. "You're lazy and slack, you're lazy and slack!" they answered. Altogether the trio were causing the Swanage Controller a great deal of trouble. Manston, Eddystone and Brian Fisk were all at the yards and still grumbling.

"Where's Drummond?" asked Manston, "He's supposed to fetch our coaches!"

"We get no rest!" complained Brian Fisk. He then puffed angrily onto the turntable and as he was being turned, he spoke rudely to Manston. "What's the matter Manston it's not raining today so stop worrying and do some work instead!"

"What're you talking about, I'm not afraid of getting wet!" huffed Manston as Drummond the LSWR M7 no.30053 puffed in, "Anyway, you look silly enough to be a clown so I suggest that you join the circus!"

"Oh!" whistled Drummond, "So you've heard the news!"

"What news?" grunted Eddystone.

"About the circus!"

"Drummond, what're you talking about?" asked Brian Fisk.

"The circus has arrived!" explained Drummond, "I've been shunting special trucks and the Swanage Controller needs your help to!" With the circus in town, all the engines soon forgot to be tired and cross…right up to the moment when it was time for the circus to leave. At that moment, Eddystone and Manston were cross all over again, especially when Brian Fisk was chosen to take the circus train away. Eddystone and Manston could only watch as Brian Fisk steamed past them happily. A little later, the Swanage Controller returned. He found Manston resting in a siding.

"Come along Manston, the sheds are blocked down the line. I want you to take some workmen to investigate." he ordered. Manston, saying nothing, whistled and puffed away to pick up the workmen. Once he'd collected them using two trucks, he puffed towards the sheds.

"Pushing trucks, pushing trucks." grumbled Manston as he approached. They stopped outside the sheds. The workmen went inside. On a very sunny day like this, the inside of the sheds were very dark and quiet, but not for long. Everyone suddenly heard a loud trumpet sound.

"HELP!" shouted the workmen and they legged it out of the sheds. Manston gasped, what was that?

"We started to dig at the block but it grunted and moved!" one workmen said.

"Rubbish!" replied the foreman,

"It's not rubbish, it's big and alive and we're not going in there again!"

"Right." said the foreman, "I'll ride in a truck and we'll see of we can get Manston to push it out!"

"Wheesh." said Manston unhappily. He really didn't want to go through with this because something big and alive was in those sheds. "Peep, peep! I don't want to go in!"

"Neither do I." replied his driver, "We must clear the line though so the sooner we do this, the better."

"Oh dear, oh dear." puffed Manston worryingly. With a frightened too of his whistle, Manston started to puff forward into the sheds, what could be in there? Then there was trouble. The block was indeed alive and very strong, in fact it began to push the train backwards. Out of the sheds came Manston, then the trucks and last of all a large, cross elephant.

"Well I never did!" cried the foreman as the elephant trumpeted loudly, "How'd he get here? He must've done a runner when the circus was leaving." he thought. The workmen brought the elephant some cake, which the elephant enjoyed very much. The elephant then drank not one, not two, but three buckets of water and was just about to drink a fourth when Manston suddenly let off steam. The elephant cried out on alarm and then spat out the sucked up water out of his trunk. Water splashed all over Manston. The workmen couldn't help but laugh at the sight of poor Manston. The foreman called the Swanage Controller about the situation and he then called the circus who sent the elephants keeper to collect his animal. The elephant and his keeper were soon reunited but Manston was most upset.

"An elephant pushed me, an elephant pushed me!"

That night, he told the other engines all about it. Eddystone and Brian Fisk felt sorry for Manston but still teased him.

"First the rain, then an elephant, whatever will you be afraid of next?" thought Eddystone.

"For the last bloody time, I'm not and never was afraid of the rain!" hissed Manston.

"Oh really, because that's not what we've heard." said Brian Fisk. The next morning, the three engines were complaining again about the fact that they have fetch their own coaches. The big stations at both ends of the line each have a turntable. They were built so that the tender engines can be turned round because it's dangerous for them to go fast backwards. Tank engines like Benjamin and Drummond don't need turntables because they can go just as well backwards as forwards. However, to hear Eddystone talk, you would've thought that he was given a tender just to show how important he was. Later that morning, Eddystone was at Corfe Castle station talking to Benjamin.

"You don't understand little Benjamin, we tender engines have a position to keep up! It doesn't matter where you go, but we're important! And for the Swanage Controller to make us shunt trucks, fetch coaches and go on some of those dirty sidings, it's, it's…well it's not the proper thing!" he complained. He then wheeshed grumpily away. Benjamin chuckled and went off with his own passenger train. Early that afternoon, Eddystone had just arrived at the end of the line, Swanage station, had been uncoupled from the train and was reversing towards the turntable.

"Disgraceful!" Eddystone hissed. It was very windy today so if Eddystone wasn't on the turntable just right, he put it out of balance and made it difficult to turn. Today though Eddystone was in a bad temper and the wind was blowing fiercely. His driver did his best to make his engine stop in the right place but Eddystone wasn't trying. The fireman tried to turn the handle but the combination of Eddystone's weight and the strong wind was preventing him.

"It's no good!" the driver and fireman said at last, "Your tender upsets the balance! If you were a nice tank engine, you'd be alright! This means though that you'll have to pull the next train backwards!"

"What?! Aw crap!" cried Eddystone.

Later, Eddystone puffed into Wareham station tender first. Some children were on the platform and when they saw Eddystone they couldn't prevent themselves from laughing.

"Look!" they teasingly called, "There's a new tank engine! Oh, wait a minute, it's only Eddystone back to front!"

Poor Eddystone felt very embarrassed. He sighed heavily. "Well, at least Benjamin isn't around."

"Hello Eddystone, playing tank engines are you? Sensible engine! Take my advice, scrap your tender and have a nice bunker!"

"Yeah I didn't see that coming!" Eddystone shouted. Benjamin had seen everything from a siding outside the station. Just then, Brian Fisk raced through the station and even he was laughing at the sight of Eddystone.

"Ahahahahahaha, dork!" he laughed.

"Take care on the turntable Brian Fisk, you could stick to!" warned Eddystone.

"No fear!" chuckled Brian Fisk, "I'm not as fat as you!"

After arriving back at Swanage, Brian Fisk now had to be turned round on the turntable.

"I mustn't stick." Brian Fisk thought as he stopped on just the right place to balance the table meaning it could now swing easily. As he was being turned, Eddystone arrived in time to see everything.

"Oh man, this I've got to see." said Eddystone to himself. As he stopped, Brian Fisk spotted him.

"Ha-ha, in your fatty face Eddystone! Brian Fisk's on top of the what the…?! Hey, wait a minute, oh no, I can't stop, ARGH!" screamed Brian Fisk as the strong wind was now pretty much blowing on the turntable and was pushing it round in furious circles. The turntable was seemingly spinning faster and faster and Eddystone was laughing his face off. At last, the wind died down and Brian Fisk's wild ride finally came to an end, though his cheeks had gone green with sickness.

"Well, well Brian Fisk, are you playing roundabouts?" smirked Eddystone. Poor Brian Fisk, feeling quite giddy, rolled off into the siding without mentioning a single word.

That night at the sheds, Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston were having a quiet and private indignation meeting.

"It's shameful to treat tender engines like this!" Eddystone began, "First Manston gets squirted on by an elephant, I have to go backwards and people think I'm a tank engine, Brian Fisk spins round like a top and everyone laughs at us, and to add to all of that, the Swanage Controller makes us all shunt in dirty sidings, bleugh!"

"Yeah!" agreed Brian Fisk, "All that goes beyond the points of stupidity and humiliating!"

"So, what're we going to do about it?" asked Manston.

"Alright you two, I've got an idea." said Eddystone and he whispered something to the others.

"I'm in." said Brian Fisk.

"So am I." added Manston.

"Good." said Eddystone, "We'll do it tomorrow, the Swanage Controller will look silly!" The three engines had decided to go on strike!

The next morning from his office, the Swanage Controller was listening to all the noise outside, all the passengers were angry. Then there was a knock on the office door and the stationmaster then came in.

"There's trouble in the shed sir." he announced, "Manston's sulking, there's no train and the passengers are saying that this' a bad railway."

"Indeed." said the Swanage Controller, "We cannot allow that!" And he headed out of his office, got into his car and headed for the sheds. When he arrived, he found Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston looking very cross indeed.

"Come along Manston, it's time your train was ready." he said.

"Manston's not going!" huffed Eddystone, "We won't shunt like common tank engines! That job belongs to Benjamin and Drummond! We're important tender engines! You fetch our coaches and we'll pull them because tender engines don't shunt!"

"Oh, indeed?!" replied the Swanage Controller, "We'll se about that because engines on my railway do as they're told!" And with that, he hurried back to his car to find Hot Dog the diesel, or more specifically the Class 33 Crompton no.33 111. "The yard has never been the same since this whole saga began." The Swanage Controller sighed sadly. Hot Dog was enjoying himself as he shunted some trucks when the Swanage Controller drove up to him.

"Leave those trucks please Hot Dog." said the Swanage Controller, "I want you to push coaches for me in the yard."

"Thank you sir, that'll be a nice change." replied Hot Dog excitedly.

"That's a good engine, off you go again." the Swanage Controller boomed. Hot Dog honked his horn and whirred away. Hot Dog found coaches for the three engines and on that day the trains ran as usual, though Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston weren't happy about Hot Dog's actions against their wishes. The next day, Hot Dog was looking rather unhappy. He whirred sadly into a siding where the Swanage Controller was, but before he could talk to him, Eddystone came clanking past.

"You're supposed to be on our side you stupid diesel!" Eddystone fumed as he hissed steam straight into Hot Dog's face.

"Bless me!" said the Swanage Controller, "What a noise!"

"They're all hissing me sir." answered Hot Dog sadly, "They say tender engines don't shunt and neither should diesels like me. And to add to that, last night they said I have ugly paint! My paintwork's not ugly is it sir?"

"No Hot Dog, you've got lovely blue paint and I'm proud of you. Tender engines do shunt, but all the same we do need another engine here." He returned to his office and went straight onto his laptop in search of any available engines. "Hmm, there must be a good available engine on one of our fellow heritage railways somewhere…hey, wait a minute, doesn't the Mid Hants Railway have one of our engines on loan? And judging by what engine it is…of course, I can just bring that engine back! Why didn't I think of that before?!" he smiled happily as he made a phone call.

That afternoon, Hot Dog was still in the siding where he spoke with the Swanage Controller when he heard a whistle from behind him. With a wheesh of steam, alongside him puffed…

"River Torridge? What're you doing here, shouldn't you be at the Mid Hants Railway?"

"You seem to be forgetting Hot Dog, that I was only on loan at the Mid Hants Railway. The Swanage Controller decided to bring the loan agreement to an early end so I can return here and help out with this ongoing saga that has been going on lately." smiled River Torridge. Without any hesitation, Hot Dog and River Torridge were soon at work and they had a happy afternoon completing all their jobs without any fuss. They were resting in two different sidings and talking to Benjamin when Manston approached them, hissing as usual.

"Wheesh!" went River Torridge as she wheeshed steam straight at Manston. Manston jumped and went back to the sheds.

"How beautifully you wheeshed him!" laughed Hot Dog.

"Yeah, I can't wheesh like that." added Benjamin.

"Oh." smiled River Torridge, "That's nothing. You should hear them on the Mid Hants. You have to wheesh loud enough to make yourself heard."

Later that day with Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston still sulking in the sheds, Drummond puffed into the yards. "The Swanage Controller sent for me, I expect he wants help." he said to Hot Dog.

"Shh, here he comes." replied Hot Dog.

"Ah there you are Drummond." the Swanage Controller began, "Now listen all of you, Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston are sulking, they say they won't shunt like common tank engines. So I've shut them up and I want you four to run the line for a while."

"Common tank engines indeed!" snorted Drummond, "We'll show them!"

"Yes indeed we will!" added Benjamin determined.

"And River Torridge and Hot Dog will help to."

"Oh yes indeed sir." replied Hot Dog.

"I started life as a tank engine before being rebuilt as a tender engine because of the famous Sevenoaks crash for one of my tank engine siblings so I know how to shunt just like any other tank engine." River Torridge stated, "So I'll be happy to help however and wherever I can."

River Torridge and Drummond looked after the long service passenger runs, greeting each other with cheerful whistles as they passed one another. Benjamin took care of the one smaller passenger service. Hot Dog meanwhile took charge of the goods trains. There were fewer trains but the passengers didn't mind because they knew that three other engines were having a lesson. Eddystone, Brian Fisk and Manston were cold lonely and miserable. They wished now that they hadn't been so silly. A few weeks later, the Swanage Controller finally came to see the three miserable looking engines.

"Right then you three, I hope you're sorry." he boomed, "And that you understand that you're not so important after all. I've brought River Torridge back from her loan spell on the Mid Hants Railway and she along with Drummond, Benjamin and Hot Dog have all run the railway nicely. But I'll let you out now if you promise to be good."

The three engines perked up happily. "Yes sir!" they all said, "We will!"

"That's right! But please remember that this no shunting nonsense must stop!" added the Swanage Controller. The three engines promised and agreed to let Drummond help them with the passenger runs. The Swanage Controller then told River Torridge, Benjamin and Hot Dog that they can go and play with the trucks for a few days. The three aforementioned engines ran off happily to find some trucks in the yards. They were soon having fun biffing and bashing the trucks about the yard.

"Stop, stop, stop!" screamed the trucks as they were pushed into their proper sidings. The three engines though just laughed and went on shunting until the trucks were tidily arranged. Next, Benjamin and Hot Dog had to take some of their own goods trains down the line. River Torridge was left alone but she didn't mind that a bit because she liked watching the passengers trains puffing past her and being cheeky to the other engines.

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" she'd call and they'd get very cross.

Later, River Torridge had just pushed some trucks into a siding. Puffing along the main route, she stopped outside a signal box and waited for the signalman to set the points so that she could get back to the yard. She was eager to carrying on working but was being rather careless and not paying attention. Hot Dog had warned River Torridge 'Be careful on the main route, whistle to the signalman that you're there'. However, River Torridge didn't remember to whistle so the busy signalman forgot her. River Torridge waited and waited, the points were still against her so she couldn't move. Then she looked ahead of her along the main route.

"PEEP-PEEP!" she whistled in horror for rushing straight towards her was Eddystone with an express.

"Ohhhh!" groaned Eddystone, "Get out of my way!" He slammed on his brakes. He skidded to a stop just in front of River Torridge. River Torridge opened her eyes and saw that Eddystone had stopped with his buffers just a few inches from her own. River Torridge then began to move.

"I'm not staying here, I'm running away!" she cried and she raced backwards without a footplate crew. River Torridge was so frightened that she raced dangerously backwards along the line without stopping. I say dangerously because she's a tender engine remember. After a while of racing helplessly down the line, she was starting to grow tired but she couldn't stop because she had no driver to shut off steam and apply the brakes.

"I want to stop, I want to stop!" she puffed exhaustingly. The man in the nearest signal box saw that River Torridge was in trouble so he kindly changed the points. River Torridge found herself in a nice empty siding ending with a big bank of earth. She was too tired now to care where she was as her tender dug itself into the bank, bringing her to a stop.

"I want to stop, I want to stop. I have stopped!" River Torridge puffed thankfully. Some workmen quickly arrived on the scene.

"Never mind River Torridge." they said as they dug her tender out, "You shall have a drink and some coal and then you'll feel better." Just then, they heard a whistle. Eddystone puffed onto the scene and he had a winch attached to his front.

"Well done River Torridge." said Eddystone as the winch was being operated, "You started so quickly that you stopped a nasty accident."

"I sorry I was cheeky." replied River Torridge, "You were clever to stop." With the winch attached to River Torridge, Eddystone then pulled her and her tender clear of the bank. River Torridge and Eddystone are now good friends. River Torridge though has now promised to be more careful when in those sort of situations again.

**And that's episode 9 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of the Troublesome Engines saga, aka **_**'Henry and the Elephant'**_**, **_**'Tenders and Turntables'**_**, **_**'Trouble in the Shed'**_** and **_**'Percy Runs Away'**_**. Please review and I request criticism. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	10. Nene Valley Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - an engine falls ill, an American's full of worry and a question's begged **_**(Why'd they leave me so many trucks?!)**_**.**

Episode 10: The Sick Engine

It was the end of another busy day on the Nene Valley Railway and all its engines felt pleased and proud with their days work…well, all except BR Standard Class 5 no.73050 _'City of Peterborough'_, she was feeling ill. As she was resting in the yards that night, alongside her puffed up Hunslet Austerity 0-6-0ST no.3844 _'United Steel Company no.22'_.

"What's the matter with you City of Peterborough?" he asked.

"Oh USC 22, my boiler's grumbling." groaned City of Peterborough.

"Maybe it's grumbling at you." teased USC 22.

"That's not funny!" hissed City of Peterborough, "You just don't care!" And with a wheesh of steam, she huffed away. USATC S1600 Class no.6046 **(who we shall name Baldwin)** had watched what had just happened and as he looked down, he saw that City of Peterborough had left a puddle of water behind. This made him sigh with worry.

"Oh I do hope City of Peterborough will be alright." he hoped sadly, speaking in his American accent.

The next morning at the sheds, the Nene Controller arrived to deliver some job news.

"City of Peterborough, I need you to pick up some trucks and take them to the end of the line!" he boomed.

City of Peterborough groaned. "Ok sir." she sighed before slowly setting off. She knew that really useful engines don't complain and that they have to do as they're told. The Nene Controller watched City of Peterborough puff away and could see that she wasn't happy. He called for USC 22 and Class 14 diesel no.D9520 **(who we shall name Ted)**.

"Ted, USC 22, I need you both to help City of Peterborough collect some trucks and take them to the end of the line!" he ordered.

"Yes sir!" replied USC 22.

"Right away sir!" added Ted. Then they both set off. City of Peterborough was slowly making her way towards the yards where the trucks were waiting. She was leaving puddles of water everywhere as she puffed along. When Baldwin saw this, he was more worried than ever. City of Peterborough slowly but surely kept on going though. As she puffed along, USC 22 and Ted suddenly raced past her.

"Hurry up old girl!" USC 22 tooted.

"Oh I can't go any faster." City of Peterborough chuffed miserably.

"Eh, you're just being lazy!" teased Ted as he whirred past, "There's no time or place for slacking on this railway and you know that!". By the time USC 22 and Ted reached the yards and saw the waiting trucks, they'd come up with a naughty plan.

"Please sir, City of Peterborough wants to take more trucks." USC 22 told the yard manager.

"Yeah, she's bigger and stronger than us after all." added Ted. The yard manager had a brief moment to think this over, but ultimately agreed, much to the delight of USC 22 and Ted. The two little engines collected their trucks and set off down the line.

Meanwhile, Baldwin was talking to the Nene Controller. "Ooh, I'm worried about City of Peterborough sir, she isn't feeling very well."

"Hmm, I saw she wasn't happy earlier and I also noticed those puddles of water she was leaking onto the ground between her rails." said the Nene Controller, "Perhaps her tubes are leaking. You'd better go and check on her Baldwin."

"I'm on my way sir!" replied Baldwin and he puffed away. Back with City of Peterborough, by the time she reached the yards, she noticed that USC 22 and Ted had already left with their trains. She was shocked when she saw the long line of trucks the two little engines had left for her.

"What?! Oh USC 22 and Ted, why'd they leave me so many trucks?!" she moaned, "They know I'm not feeling well!"

"Well City of Peterborough old girl, we're still going to have to take them." said her driver. City of Peterborough sighed heavily as she manoeuvred into position. With the trucks coupled up, City of Peterborough whistled nervously. With a wheesh of steam, she huffed and puffed and pulled her long line of trucks. City of Peterborough was slowly making her way back down the line, she had to reach the end of the route which was where the trucks were needed…for some unknown reason. The trucks were very heavy though and the fact that City of Peterborough was ill really wasn't helping any kind of matters.

"Come of City of Peterborough, you can do it!" encouraged her driver. However in the end, it was all to no avail. With one final chuff, City of Peterborough groaned and ground to a stop right in the middle of nowhere, at least that was the case in her mind that she was right in the middle of nowhere.

"Oh no!" cried City of Peterborough. Thankfully though, she didn't have to wait long for help because just then Baldwin puffed up in front of her.

"There you are City of Peterborough, are you alright?" Baldwin asked worryingly.

"No!" groaned City of Peterborough, "I'm stuck!"

"Well lets get you moving then shall we?" smiled Baldwin. City of Peterborough uncoupled the heavy trucks. Baldwin then coupled up to City of Peterborough.

"Oh, thank you Baldwin, thank you so much!" wheeshed City of Peterborough.

Baldwin smiled. "No problem City of Peterborough, I'm always happy to help. It's what we American engines do, we always help one another." With a blow of his whistle, Baldwin towed City of Peterborough home. When they arrived at the sheds, USC 22 and Ted were already there and so was the Nene Controller.

"Well done there Baldwin, great job!" smiled the Nene Controller.

"Oh thank you sir!" replied Baldwin happily. Then the Nene Controller spoke to City of Peterborough.

"You were brave City of Peterborough." he said, "You weren't well but you still tried to pull the heavy truck." USC 22 and Ted were feeling very ashamed of their actions towards City of Peterborough earlier.

"We're sorry City of Peterborough." said USC 22 apologetically.

"We didn't think you were really sick." added Ted, "We thought you were just faking it."

"Well there's nothing fake about this you two, go back and collect City of Peterborough's trucks straight away!" ordered the Nene Controller sternly.

"Yes sir." said USC 22 and Ted together. They didn't bother arguing over their punishment.

A few weeks later, City of Peterborough was mended and she was back at work. She met up with Baldwin at Wansford station.

"Ah welcome back City of Peterborough! And may I say you're looking so much better." said Baldwin.

"Well, they mended me tubes," City of Peterborough began, "But they didn't even look at me brakes, me gauges, me squeaky wheels…"

"All in good time City of Peterborough." Baldwin smiled. Poor City of Peterborough.

**And that's episode 10 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'What's the Matter with Henry?'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	11. East Lancashire Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a Refreshment Lady goes on a tour, we have a moment from a Thomas spoof series and The Great Marquess had a brilliant idea.**

Episode 11: The Tea Serving

It was a hot summers day in Great Britain and all the engines on the East Lancashire Railway were busy taking passengers and goods up and down the line. Their constant hard work in the tremendous heat was making their axles ache and they'd often feel thirsty. The Great Marquess from the mainline was based on the East Lancs, and the LNER K4 no.61994 was suffering just as much as his fellow engines. He was taking on water when WD Austerity 0-6-0ST no.132 _'Sapper'_ puffed up alongside him and he wasn't too happy.

"I've had to shunt every truck in the yard today!" Sapper wheeshed.

"But I'm too thirsty to be really useful with my passenger runs." complained The Great Marquess. The summer sunshine was making the passengers thirsty to. The railways local Refreshment Lady was keeping herself really useful in the tearooms. The next day, the East Lancs Controller had some news for The Great Marquess.

"The Refreshment Lady needs another place for another tearoom." he announced.

"I'm sure I can find her a place sir." assured The Great Marquess.

"I knew it." smiled the Refreshment Lady, "It'll be a piece of cake."

"Tearooms don't live in cakes." thought The Great Marquess.

The Refreshment Lady chuckled. "It was just my way of saying it'll be fun and easy to find the right place." The Refreshment Lady then walked onboard The Great Marquess' carriage and he then puffed away. The Great Marquess puffed along the railway with the Refreshment Lady in the carriage behind him. They puffed past stations, picnic areas, parks and other beautiful looking local areas alongside the line. The Refreshment Lady really enjoyed the journey and was happy when they reached the end of the line at Rawtenstall station.

"Thank you so much Great Marquess, that was a great journey." the Refreshment Lady smiled, "However, I really don't know what to do because I really can't make up my mind." She then frowned. "What a shame I can't put a tearoom in each location." The Great Marquess felt very disappointed, he didn't feel really useful at all.

Unfortunately though that night, there was a storm. The lightning was thrashing and the thunder was crashing, the rain was pouring down fiercely. All the engines in the sheds were talking excitedly about the storm…well, all except The Great Marquess. His mind was locked in thoughts about the Refreshment Lady's tearooms. The next morning, all but three engines had gone to clear up the mess the storm had caused. The three who weren't sent were The Great Marquess along with Class 14 diesel no.D9531 _'Ernest'_ and LMS 3F Jinty no.47324 **(who we shall name Stevie)**. The Great Marquess was still thinking about the Refreshment Lady's tearoom but then he heard Ernest and Stevie talking and it seemed to ease his mind a bit…well, until he heard what they were actually talking about. Ernest had been listening in on all the commuting plonkers talking loudly on their mobile phones recently and he'd now hatched a plan.

"I'm going to become a dot com millionaire!" he announced.

"How can an engine become a dot com millionaire?" asked Stevie.

"By becoming a search engine." answered Ernest, "It's where people ask me to find something on the internet. You go off and make a list and then everyone just ends up looking at hardcore pornography instead. Any engine can do it." he added, "You just have to be familiar with the worldwide web."

"Oh." said Stevie, "I don't like spiders, they make me curse. And spiders on any web wide enough to stretch across the whole world are going to be big for curs, big for curs, big for curs, big for cursing, I can tell you that now." he finished, stuttering badly at the most inappropriate of moments.

"Come on!" insisted Ernest, "Give me a try! What do you want me to look for?"

"Look for cunts, look for cunts, look for cunts, look for Constable, the Great British landscape painter." suggested Stevie, who it turned out had an interest in romantic art. But it was too late. Keen to prove that he was just as fast as Google, Ernest had taken off before Stevie had even finished.

"Oh dear." thought Stevie, "I should've stuck with pussy." With that conversation thankfully over and with The Great Marquess finally able to get that filth out of his mind, the East Lancs Controller arrived to talk to him.

"Great Marquess, I need you to go and help May clear the storm damage." he boomed.

"Righto sir." replied The Great Marquess and he hurried away. "At last." he thought, he could be really useful. He chuffed along the line and soon found May the Peckett and Sons 0-4-0ST no.1370 outside Summerseat station. He could see that the storm had blown an old shed onto the track. May had only just brought the breakdown crane and the workmen onto the scene because it was very heavy for her. When May spotted The Great Marquess, she filled him on what was going on.

"…Driver said that this shed's useless now." finished May.

"That's not a shed." exclaimed The Great Marquess, "That's one of our old railway coaches. A buffet car at that." And he was right because he could see the words 'Buffet Car' written on the side of the coach. "Wait…a buffet car? Of course!" That gave The Great Marquess an idea. When the breakdown crane had placed the coach back onto the rails, The Great Marquess asked if he could borrow it. The workmen and even May were confused about why he'd want to borrow something that's now completely useless but agreed all the same. The Great Marquess was coupled up to the coach and he puffed away with it. As he steamed along, he was getting more and more excited about his idea which he told his driver and fireman about, to which they thought it was a brilliant idea. The Great Marquess brought the coach into Heywood station where the East Lancs Controller was standing. His driver made his way over to him.

"The Great Marquess reckons this old buffet car can make a very good tearoom for the Refreshment Lady." explained the driver.

"Hmm, place it into the nearest siding and I'll send some workmen to take a look at it, I'm sure they can repair it." agreed the East Lancs Controller. The Great Marquess was delighted to hear that the East Lancs Controller had agreed to his idea and he was looking forward to seeing the finished product. It turned out that the East Lancs Controller was right because in no time at all, the workmen had managed to convert the old buffet car coach into a tearoom on wheels. Its new yellow and red paintwork was gleaming against the sunshine.

That afternoon, The Great Marquess brought the new mobile tearoom back into Heywood station where the East Lancs Controller and the Refreshment Lady were waiting. When the Refreshment Lady saw the new tearoom, she could hardly believe her eyes.

"Ooh it's beautiful! I told you it'll be a piece of cake!" she smiled.

The East Lancs Controller paused. "Err…and with many cakes in it, I'm sure." Then he spoke to The Great Marquess. "And you Great Marquess shall take the teashop special!"

"I'll be glad to sir." replied the Great Marquess. Now, thanks to The Great Marquess, the Refreshment Lady was capable of serving tea at all the beautiful locations around the East Lancashire Railway. As he brought the Refreshment Lady and her new mobile tearoom into the final station at Rawtenstall, The Great Marquess was now a happy engine. As he stopped at Rawtenstall, the Refreshment Lady briefly got out of her mobile tearoom and simply said to The Great Marquess.

"I told you it'll be a piece of cake."

The Great Marquess smiled happily.

**And that's episode 11 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'The Refreshment Lady's Tea Shop'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	12. Dartmouth Steam Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we have a moment from a classic UK sitcom **_**(Oh god, Samson you complete bastard!)**_**, we witness what happens on a normal day here and a diesel goes for a swim.**

Episode 12: Something Stinks

It was a lovely morning on the Dartmouth Steam Railway…right up to the moment when the peace of the morning was shattered of the spluttering of an engine which bellowed black smoke and then the bellow of a wild animal.

"Oh god, Samson you complete bastard! God, god you might've given me a three minute warning!"

"Yeah, sorry Trojan."

"Oh god!" coughed Trojan as the GWR 4575 Class no.4588 puffed hastily out of the shed to get away from all the smoke the Class 08 diesel no.D3014 had just bellowed from his engine. Trojan eventually managed to clear his throat and catch his breath.

"Oh well, that may very well indeed be the worse alarm call I've ever had, but I suppose it saves the Dartmouth Controller spending money on getting us an alarm clock, like steam engines actually need alarm clocks to wake up every morning anyway." he sighed as the unexpected alarm call had put him in a bit of a bad mood, "Hey ho, another day. Good morning world…you bastard! No come along Trojan, that won't do, lets put on a nice face for the day." He tried putting on a smile. "Oh come on you can do better than that!" He tried to smile again. "Yes, that's a lovely one! Good, right lets see, what's there to do today?" he thought as he puffed away to see what was going on.

He met up with his all friends, minus Samson of course, at Kingswear station where the Dartmouth Controller was talking to them.

"It's just an average day today!" he boomed, "So you must all get on with your usual jobs!"

"Yes sir!" replied all the engines happily.

"Oh and Mercury, I need you to take a goods train all the way up the line to Paignton tonight! The trucks will be loaded with fish and they'll be needed for an upcoming fish market further down the mainline! You'll start with some of the trucks then I'll have Trojan bring some more for you to take later!"

Mercury smiled. "Yes sir!" the Class 25 Rat diesel no.D7535 replied.

"Think you can manage your part Trojan?" asked the Dartmouth Controller.

"Oh yes of course sir!" smiled Trojan. But before that though, the engines had other jobs to do. Trojan was working with GWR 4500 Class no.4555 _'Warrior'_ on the smaller local passenger services. Mercury was working with BR Standard Class 4 4-6-0 no.75014 _'Braveheart'_ and the railways only female engine which was GWR Manor no.7827 _'Lydham Manor'_ on the larger local passenger services and GWR 4200 Class no.4277 _'Hercules'_ and GWR 5205 Class no.5239 _'Goliath'_ were working on the goods trains. Meanwhile, once Samson had got his engine running again, he and Class 03 diesel no.D2192 _'Titan'_ were doing their normal jobs of shunting the coaches and trucks into place. So it was basically just a normal day on the Dartmouth Steam Railway.

"Hello Titan, how's the shunting going?"

"Oh it's going brilliantly so far Braveheart! And to add to that, Samson's engine has been coping well so far after what happened this morning!"

"How've your trucks been behaving Hercules? Mine have been alright so far."

"I wouldn't say that'll last for the rest of the day though Goliath, at some point those trucks are going to start playing tricks and you'll have to stop them from doing so."

See what I mean? Well, that afternoon, things changed because it was time for Trojan to collect the trucks that were needed for Mercury's fish train that night. He was parked in a siding and the workmen were using cranes attached to lorries to help load the crates of fish that were brought in from the coast into the trucks. However, time was ticking by fast and Trojan was starting to lose patience.

"If you guys keep going at this pace, I'm going to be late for Mercury at Kingswear and he's not going to like this so would you kindly hurry the bloody hell up and…" With a sudden creaking sound, Trojan was rudely interrupted. One of the cranes was loosing grip on one of the crates. The crane swung the crate round. Suddenly, there was a loud CRASH as the crate smashed against Trojan's boiler and then broke into big lumps of pieces on the ground, spilling its load of fish everywhere. Trojan was stunned about what had just happened but then the scent got right up his nostrils.

"Phew!" he sniffed, "What a pong!" Just then. Lydham Manor arrived and when she saw the fishy sight of Trojan she almost immediately burst into giggles.

"God damn it Lydham, you think this' funny?!" fumed Trojan.

Lydham Manor finally calmed down enough to speak. "Hehehe, I'm sorry Trojan. It's just that you really do smell good." she smiled. Trojan just wheesh steam indignantly. "Oh and by the way, I've been sent to tell you that a track bed along the coastal part of the line has given way because of those high tides we had earlier this afternoon." Lydham Manor added, "We're still okay to travel over that part of track because we're not too heavy, although Braveheart's currently stuck at Kingswear with Mercury because he IS too heavy." Trojan changed mood from angry to serious and thanked Lydham Manor for the warning. Just then, there was a whistling sound from behind Trojan. The guard had blown his whistle and it was time for Trojan to go.

"Come on Trojan." said his driver, "Lets go and inspect the damaged track." And with a toot of his whistle, Trojan puffed away with the fish train. He was soon feeling rather cheered up a bit after the accident with the crate. But then he came across the damaged track that Lydham Manor had warned him about. He stopped just before actually going onto it. His driver and fireman examined the track more closely.

"Hmm, something like that would be dangerous for heavy engines like Mercury." thought the fireman, "For Trojan though it's safe enough."

"I'm guessing Lydham Manor was on our side of this damaged track meaning she was able to tell us about this." said the driver.

"Although, if this' too heavy for Mercury, how's he going to deliver the fish train back to Paignton because there's no other way around this." said the fireman worryingly.

"I guess we'll just have to tell Mercury the bad news." sighed the driver. They went back to Trojan and carefully took him over the damaged track. Once Trojan and his trucks were on the other side, the guard in the brake van left up a red warning lamp attached to a red flag beside the damaged track to warn other engines.

"When we get to Kingswear, I'll tell them to close the line." he said. With the red warning light in place, Trojan carried on. It was now late afternoon though and the sun was beginning to set.

It was now night time and over at Kingswear with the first part of the train, Mercury was waiting anxiously for Trojan's trucks to complete the train so he could set off. Braveheart was doing his best to keep his diesel friend calm but when Trojan finally arrived, Mercury was angry.

"Phwoar, you're late and that smell's making me ill!"

"I can't help it, it's the fish!" replied Trojan, "And there's danger on the rails so that's why we're late!"

"Yeah I've heard about that danger and that's why I'm stuck here." sighed Braveheart.

"Huh!" snorted Mercury, "You're the only real danger on the rails Trojan! I'm surprised your name's not Trojan Horse because you really are a sickening virus! Now would you please stop wasting time and get your trucks hitched to my train!" Trojan said nothing as he backed up so he could manoeuvre the trucks onto the back of Mercury's train. Braveheart felt sorry for Trojan but he said nothing because he knew Mercury wouldn't listen to him. Soon, the trucks were coupled up and Mercury was ready to go. Trojan's driver and fireman were talking to the stationmaster when they heard Mercury blast his horn and whirr out of Kingswear. They looked out the office window and they saw him whirring along.

"Where's Mercury going?" asked Trojan's driver.

"Well where else can he go? He has to get the fish delivered." replied the stationmaster.

"But I told you there's danger along the coast and it's too dangerous for a big and heavy engine like Mercury!" shouted the driver. Realising this, the stationmaster quickly called the signalman. Mercury roared past the signal box.

"I'll soon make up for lost time!" he called determined. Inside the signal box, the signalman was answering the telephone but couldn't hear the warning because of all the noise outside. By the time he was able to receive the warning though, Mercury was already faraway into the distance. However, when Mercury reached the coastal part of the line, his hopes for a good fast run were dashed because the fog had come in and it was floating everywhere.

"I can't see!" cried Mercury and neither could his driver. Unfortunately though, when Mercury finally could see ahead, it was already too late. Despite having his brakes hard on, Mercury was unable to stop himself from going over the damaged track, derailing and splashing into the sea with the trucks pushing him further into the water and they went for a swim along with him. Poor Mercury had to spit some of the salty seawater out of his mouth, it tasted disgusting. Thanks to this accident though, it meant he was now stuck and had to wait for help to arrive.

The next morning when the tide was high enough, Mercury was craned out of the water but the Dartmouth Controller was very cross.

"Engines don't swim Mercury, you're meant to deliver fish and not swim with them!" he boomed angrily, "You should know that by now and you should've listened to Trojan's warning about the damaged track last night!"

"Yes sir, I'm sorry sir." replied Mercury miserably. For some strange reason, Mercury had to be brought back home by boat and when Lydham Manor saw this, she looked down at him distastefully.

"My, my Mercury, I expect you'll have some fishy tails to tell! Take my advice though and have a long wash down first!" she giggled.

"Pah!" hissed Mercury, but there was worse to come.

"Look!" called Warrior, "They've caught all this fish and a big dark green whale to!"

"That's not a whale!" laughed Goliath, "It's a monster!"

"Hahaha, nice one boys!" laughed Lydham Manor. Poor Mercury was most upset. He was finally brought back onto the rails where Trojan arrived to take him back to the sheds and Trojan was now feeling sorry for Mercury.

"Come on, your driver says that it's time for you to have a nice long wash down. Then you'll feel much better." said Trojan as he puffed away with Mercury in tow.

And Trojan was right because once he had his wash down, Mercury was smiling again.

"I'm sorry I was rude to you Trojan." said Mercury.

"Oh that's alright." replied Trojan, "But can you smell something?"

"W-W-What?!" asked Mercury nervously.

"Fresh air!" smiled Trojan.

"Oh yes!" replied Mercury.

**And that's episode 12 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Something in the Air'**_**. Please review and I request criticism. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	13. Ffestiniog Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we have our second straight fish episode, a mini class 66's left disappointed and a Mighty Mac rip off are in a teasing mood.**

Episode 13: Something Fishy

Vale of Ffestiniog is a CH Funkey & Co Ltd diesel who works on the world famous narrow gauge Ffestiniog Railway in Wales. He may look like a narrow gauge Class 66 but he's capable of pulling passengers as well as trucks. One morning, Vale of Ffestiniog reversed into Porthmadog Harbour station at one end of the line. The bright sunshine was making the sea sparkle and all the seagulls were cawing loudly and happily in the sky. This was Vale of Ffestiniog's favourite place on the whole railway. That evening, the Ffestiniog Controller came to the sheds.

"The fishermen have been catching lots of fish recently and I need an engine to take them to market." he announced. He then paused impressively. Small England 0-4-0STT no.2 _'Prince'_ and his brother no.4 _'Palmerston'_ looked away because they felt they'd had enough work to do with their passenger runs. Vale of Ffestiniog hoped that he'd be chosen to deliver the fish. The Ffestiniog Controller had other ideas though.

"Lyd, you shall look after the fish trains." he boomed. Lyd the Manning Wardle 2-6-2T no.14 was surprised, he hated the smell of fish.

"What me?!" he spluttered, "Y-Yes sir!" Prince and Palmerston breathed a collective sigh of relief, they were thankful that they could stick with their passenger trains, especially since they were tender engines. Vale of Ffestiniog though was left disappointed and the Ffestiniog Controller had given him the job of coal deliveries. When Vale of Ffestiniog returned to the sheds later that evening, he found Lyd having a wash down.

"Do I smell a fishy engine." he teased.

"Yes!" huffed Lyd, "Smelly fish, smelly new job! Why can't I go back to my old job of hauling passengers which's what I'm supposed to do?!" Vale of Ffestiniog wished he'd take the trains of fish instead, he'd be much happier than Lyd. That night in the sheds, Vale of Ffestiniog was still unhappy. Single Fairlie 0-4-4T no.9 _'Taliesin'_ noticed this and decided to find out what was wrong.

"What's wrong Vale of Ffestiniog?" he asked.

"Why did the Ffestiniog Controller have to choose Lyd to haul the trains of fish?" complained Vale of Ffestiniog, "I mean, doesn't he know that Lyd really doesn't like the smell of fish? In fact I think hardly any engine around the world likes the smell of fish except me!"

"You really like the smell of fish?" asked Taliesin. Double Fairlie 0-4-4T no.10 _'Merddin Emrys'_ decided to enter the conversation.

"Of course he does." said Merddin.

"It's because he's a diesel." added Emrys teasingly.

"Oh come on you guys shut up and leave him alone!" ordered Taliesin angrily. Vale of Ffestiniog just sighed heavily. He really wished he could take the trains of fish instead of Lyd, everyone would be happier that way.

The next morning, Lyd was still in a grumpy mood. The fishermen had caught lots of fish today and the smell was horrendous…well, to Lyd it was anyway. He wanted to get this job over and done with.

"Hurry up!" he huffed, "I'm a busy engine!"

"And a fussy one to." said a fisherman with a chuckle, "Just enjoy the fresh salty smell of the fish."

"Phew!" snorted Lyd, "The sooner the better on this occasion, now get a move on!" The fish were being loaded into his trucks as fast as possible, though it really wasn't proving to be fast enough for Lyd. He was much happier though when all the fish were finally loaded because it meant he could now get this smelly job over and done with and then he could get back to pulling passengers like he was supposed to. With an impatient blow of his whistle, Lyd steamed away with the fish trucks. He wheeshed out of the station and onto the long straight running alongside the coast. However, up ahead in the stretch the hot sun had bent the track and Lyd didn't see this until it was too late. Lyd bounced over the damaged track, derailed off the track, broke the coupling between him and the first truck and crashed onto the rocks below. All the trucks jiggled over the damaged track but they all somehow managed to stay on the tracks and when they saw Lyd down below they were delighted.

"He's fallen onto the rocks!" they laughed. Luckily Lyd wasn't too badly hurt but he to was surprised that the trucks somehow managed to stay on the tracks. Lyd's driver and fireman thankfully also weren't hurt and as the driver inspected Lyd to see what damage he'd suffered in the crash and fall, the fireman went to telephone for help. He soon found a phone box and called the Ffestiniog Controller about the accident. When the Ffestiniog received the news he checked his timetables.

"Right then, Vale of Ffestiniog's the nearest engine and luckily he hasn't got any jobs to do at the moment so I'll send him right away." he said.

"Ok sir." replied Lyd's fireman as he hung up the phone and made his way back to his engine as fast as his legs would carry him. Meanwhile back with Lyd, he'd just noticed something. It was a hot day so what Lyd had noticed was that the ice that was keeping the fish cold was starting to melt. He could see little droplets of ice water leaking from the trucks.

"Oh dear, I do hope that someone comes and collects the trucks quickly!" he said, "Those fish are going to go off soon!" Lyd really was very worried. Just then, he heard the sound of a horn. He was very relieved when he saw Vale of Ffestiniog approaching and Vale of Ffestiniog was surprised to see Lyd down on the rocks.

"Grease and oil!" he exclaimed, "Are you alright Lyd?!"

"No but I'll be much happier when you take these smelly fish away!" called Lyd miserably.

"The breakdown crane will be arriving on the scene soon to get you back on the rails!" assured Vale of Ffestiniog's driver. Vale of Ffestiniog rolled forward and was coupled up to the trucks and then with a blast of his horn, he whirred hastily away. He knew he had to hurry and deliver the fish on time. The fish were needed at the other end of the line at Blaenau Ffestiniog station for the market. Vale of Ffestiniog hurried along the line, passing hastily through stations en route for his destination. Time was running out, was the delivery going to arrive at Blaenau Ffestiniog on time? Eventually, Vale of Ffestiniog arrived at Blaenau Ffestiniog station and his driver looked at his watch.

"Just in time." he sighed with relief.

"Phew!" breathed Vale of Ffestiniog, he was delighted. Once the fish trucks were dropped off, Vale of Ffestiniog went over to the yards to see how the repair job on Lyd on going.

"Oh Vale of Ffestiniog, thank you for helping me." said Lyd.

"Why are you thanking me Lyd when I should be thanking you? I mean, I wish I had the fish train job all the time." smiled Vale of Ffestiniog.

"Well then tell the Ffestiniog Controller because I don't like fish!" huffed Lyd.

That evening at the sheds, the Ffestiniog Controller arrived to see his engines again.

"I need an engine to look after the fish trains while Lyd's being repaired!" he boomed. Prince and Palmerston looked away again.

"Oh god not again." sighed Prince.

"Don't worry, he's not gonna choose us." assured Palmerston, "Why, because I know an engine who wants the job anyway."

"Oh really, who?" asked Palmerston. He found out almost immediately.

"Do I have any volunteers?" asked the Ffestiniog Controller.

"Me!" Vale of Ffestiniog blurted out, "And please sir, may I have the job permanently! Lyd doesn't like fish but I do!"

"Then the job's yours!" smiled the Ffestiniog Controller. Vale of Ffestiniog was delighted.

The next morning, Vale of Ffestiniog whirred into Porthmadog Harbour station right on time. The fresh salty smell of the fish was everywhere but he was sure that he had the most beautiful job on the line.

Wait, fish, most beautiful job on the Ffestiniog Railway, that can't be right!

**And that's episode 13 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Something Fishy'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	14. Midland Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we hear a couple of loud bangs, there's a long of eye spinning going on and a helicopter drops its load.**

Episode 14: In The Mist

It was winter in Great Britain and the first fogs were beginning to roll in from the sea. Now, we're all familiar with Duchess of Sutherland aren't we…you know, LMS Princess Coronation no.46233? Well whenever she's not working on the mainline alongside her friends and boyfriend Duke of Gloucester, you'll often find her happily working hard at her home, the Midland Railway. Just like ever other engine though, the Duchess is well aware to be careful of rocks, stones or other things that can sometimes roll onto the tracks. The railways resident fogman, Bob, has a very important job. He places detonators onto the tracks to warn the engines when there's fog up ahead. As Duchess of Sutherland puffed happily along the line with her passenger train, she suddenly heard a loud bang from beneath her.

"Ooh!" she shivered as she ran over the detonator which briefly sent her eyes into a spin, "That made my axles tingle!"

"Bob has done his job!" said her driver, "We'd better slow down because there's fog ahead!" Duchess of Sutherland then saw Bob up ahead and whistled to him.

"Thank you Bob!" she called. Bob waved as he watched the Duchess steam past him.

That night at the sheds, the Midland Controller had something special to show the engines. It was very large and strange looking.

"What's that thing sir?" asked Princess Margaret Rose the LMS Princess Royal no.46203.

"It's a new invention, a railway foghorn." announced the Midland Controller, "It warns you when there's fog ahead, like this." He then flicked a switch which turned the foghorn on. The two horns blasted very loud noises. In fact, it was loud enough to shake and vibrate the ground. It even made some roof tiles come loose and fall onto the snow covered ground. The Midland Controller finally turned the foghorn off and the ground at last stopped shaking and vibrating. It had sent Princess Margaret Rose's eyes spinning furiously though. She eventually managed to stop them so she could speak.

"Gee, that's loud isn't it?!" she exclaimed.

"Too loud for my liking." huffed Peter the BR Standard Class 4 2-6-4T no.80080.

"I don't know about you guys but that bloody thing sounds like some sort of tugboat to me!" grumbled Dalzell the Class 37 Syphon diesel no.37 314.

Duchess of Sutherland looked worried. "What's Bob going to do now sir?" she asked.

"He'll be getting a much needed rest." answered the Midland Controller, "Besides, this new foghorn will be more reliable."

"Poor Bob." whispered a distraught Duchess of Sutherland, "He's been scrapped."

The next day, Peter was cheerily chuffing along the line with an early morning passenger service when he suddenly heard the sound of the foghorn in front of him.

"Oh bloody hell!" he exclaimed, "That foghorn's so loud it rattles my dome! And it doesn't even make my axles tingle!"

"Still we'd better slow down!" said his driver, "There's fog ahead!" The foghorn was so loud that everything around it was shaking. It stopped when Peter was out of sight. Just then, Harry the Helicopter flew overheard. In his cargo net were rocks and stones that were needed for a nearby quarry. Suddenly, he heard the foghorn and it was louder than he would've expected. It was even louder than his whirring blades.

"Ah, what the hell was that?!" he shrieked. He was so startled that his cargo net accidentally came loose. All the rocks and stones crashed down onto the tracks. Harry looked down and saw that the track was blocked and some of the rocks and stones had crashed down onto foghorn, almost completely destroying it. The foghorn was useless now.

"Oh no, what've I done!" he cried, "I'd better go and get help!" he quickly thought as he whirred away. He had to hurry though because not faraway from the scene was Duchess of Sutherland puffing light engine en route to collecting her coaches for the first of the days passenger runs at the end of the line. Without the foghorn, she puffed straight into the unexpected fog.

"I can't see a thing!" she exclaimed as she carried onward. Suddenly, before she could even think of anything else, she crashed into the rocks and stones Harry had dropped, resulting in her being derailed.

"Bust my buffers!" cried Duchess of Sutherland as she stopped her spinning eyes, "What happened to the foghorn?!"

"I don't know." said her driver, "But at least nobody has been hurt."

"Dalzell will be coming down the line any minute!" warned the fireman.

"If there's no fog warning" said Duchess of Sutherland worryingly, "He'll run into us!"

"Leave it to me!" called a voice from the fog.

"It's Bob!" smiled Duchess of Sutherland, "I hope he's in time!"

Dalzell was whirring along the line. He was looking forward to a stop for fuel at the next station when…BANG!

"Fog detonators!" cried Dalzell.

"There must be fog ahead." thought his driver, "We'd better slow down." And just around the next bend with his axles still tingling, Dalzell was very glad they did indeed slow down, otherwise he would've crashed into the Duchess and that would not have been a good thing.

"Phew, he only just missed me, thank you Bob." Duchess of Sutherland sighed with relief.

"My goodness! Are you alright Duchess?!" asked Dalzell.

"What do you freaking think!" answered Duchess of Sutherland, "Are you just going to sit there or are you going to get help?!" Before Dalzell could rev away, his drivers mobile rang.

"Hello…yes sir we've just arrived at the scene of the accident…yes…ok sir." He hung up. "Harry's pilot has already raised the alarm and the Midland Controller is on his way onto the scene with Princess Margaret Rose who's bringing the breakdown cranes and Michelle the Tractor."

"Oh that's a relief!" smiled Duchess of Sutherland, "I just hope they don't take to long because I've got to get to work."

"So do I!" added Dalzell.

"You know, you can just go back and collect the first passenger train from your side of the line." suggested Duchess of Sutherland.

Dalzell thought for a brief moment. "Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that!" he exclaimed, "Thanks Duchess!" he called as he revved back down his side of the line. Duchess of Sutherland rolled her eyes in annoyance. She was very thankful though when Princess Margaret Rose finally arrived onto the scene with Michelle, the breakdown cranes and the Midland Controller. Bob had also arrived and then he and Midland Controller watched as Michelle cleared away the rocks and stones while the breakdown cranes hoisted and lowered Duchess of Sutherland back onto the rails.

"There you go Duchess, back on the rails in no time." smiled Michelle.

"Thank you Michelle." replied Duchess of Sutherland, "And sir, if it hadn't been for Bob, Dalzell who was here earlier might've had a worse accident than me."

"Instead of replacing Bob with the foghorn" began the Midland Controller, "We'll replace the foghorn with Bob because he's clearly more reliable."

"Thank you sir." smiled Bob.

"And thank you." said Duchess of Sutherland, "New inventions are all very well…"

"But they don't make my axles tingle!" finished Princess Margaret Rose as she spun her eyes happily. Duchess of Sutherland just smiled.

**And that's episode 14 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'The Fogman'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	15. Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a character from T&FMLA returns to work, some hens go for a ride and bus gets converted.**

Episode 15: Chickens and Brutus

In the summer time, one of the most favourite places to visit up in Scotland is the Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway. The engines are always happy to show the holidaymakers all the wonderful sights to be seen. This year however, there was a problem. J94 Austerity 0-6-0ST no.7 _'Alloa Area'_ and LNER D49 no.62712 _'Morayshire'_ were being repaired in the sheds when the B&K Controller walked up to them looking rather worried.

"Hello sir." smiled Morayshire.

"What's wrong?" asked Alloa Area.

"Well my currently only two working steam engines, I need to find a way to carry more passengers." he grumbled, "We've got more holidaymakers…"

"And fewer engines." said Morayshire.

"A double-decker problem." added Alloa Area.

"Double-decker problem, hmm…" thought the B&K Controller. This then gave him an idea. He went back to his car and drove off en route for the field where Brutus was kept. He arrived at the field a few hours later. Now, for those of you who don't remember Brutus, he's a double-decker bus. He was turned into a henhouse after he caused a silly accident where he idiotically jammed himself under a railway bridge. The B&K Controller walked up to the sorry sight of Brutus.

"Good news Brutus, I've decided that you could be a useful part of the Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway so I'm going to bring you back onto the road." he told him. Brutus cheered up almost immediately, he was surprised and delighted that he'd finally been given a second chance.

"Oh thank you sir, I promise I'll be the best bus ever!" smiled Brutus. He never liked being a henhouse anyway. The B&K Controller smiled happily that Brutus had agreed to help him.

Brutus was brought back onto the road the next day where he cautiously drove his way to the Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway, being careful not to destroy his long time disused engine. When he arrived, Alloa Area and Morayshire were surprised to see him.

"Brutus?!" exclaimed Alloa Area, "What're you doing here?!" he asked.

"I'm being repaired." replied Brutus, "The B&K Controller has decided to bring me back into service so I can help you with the passengers and holidaymakers…which are pretty much the same people around the summer time."

"Actually, I think you'll be helping the railways local farmer Brutus." said Morayshire, "He needs to deliver his vegetables along the railway." she explained.

"Vegetables?! Huh, I've got to carry passengers!" snorted Brutus as he made his way to the wash down. The cleaners worked all over Brutus, his insides and outsides, washing and cleaning. Then some mechanics worked on his parts: his engine, his brakes, his steering etc so they were in tip top condition. Late that afternoon, Brutus was finished and his new red paintwork was gleaming. It was so smart and shiny that even W.S. Sellar the Class 37 Syphon diesel no.37 175 was impressed.

"Ooh." he went. As Brutus made his way along the road, his new parts were working perfectly. When Brutus returned to his field, the hens thought their old house looked splendid. Brutus smiled about this.

"Alright Brutus, we'll start work in the morning." said his driver, "So you're going to stay here tonight."

"Ok then sir." replied Brutus. The driver then stepped out of Brutus and walked off en route for his home. That night, Brutus was soon fast asleep. The hens though missed their old home. So one by one, they all crept aboard and went to sleep on the luggage racks. Brutus knew nothing about this though.

The next morning, Brutus was parked outside Bo'ness station picking up lots of passengers from W.S. Sellar's morning train.

"All aboard!" he tooted as he set off for the first bus stop on his journey.

"Best of luck Brutus!" W.S. Sellar called. Brutus honked 'thank you' in return. As Brutus went along, because was driving so smoothly because of the new suspension the mechanics fitted, the hens didn't wake up and were being kept asleep by the amount of quietness inside the bus. All was going well for Brutus…right up to the moment when he turned a corner. Amara the Traction Engine was now directly in front of him slowly pulling a cart loaded with hay. Brutus was stuck behind Amara. He honked his horn at Amara.

"Get out of my way!" he shouted.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" replied Amara hurtfully. Brutus though had now had enough. He overtook Amara he now had Roberto the Bus directly in front him driving in the other direction.

"Ah, move it Brutus!" cried Roberto. Brutus swerved out of Roberto's way. This woke up the hens and when the passengers spotted them they all began to panic and they were now having a wild ride because Brutus' driver had now lost complete control as Brutus was continuously swerving from left to right, he was all over the road now. The hens were frightened out of their feathers. They were flapping and squawking everywhere and feathers were flying all over the place.

"STOP!" cried Brutus' passengers, "We want to get off of this henhouse!" They were thankful that Brutus' driver finally managed to regain control of his vehicle so he could bring Brutus to a stop on the side of the road. All the passengers angrily got off Brutus and they were all covered in feathers and broken eggs.

"This bus's full of hens!" they complained, "We shall tell the B&K Controller!"

"It's not my fault!" sulked Brutus as Amara chugged past him.

"I thought you were being converted FROM a henhouse back into a railway bus Brutus." she teased.

"Oh shut up Amara!" fumed Brutus.

The B&K Controller was surprised about this when he first heard about it. He decided to send Brutus to be cleaned. He returned to Bo'ness station and drove to the end of the car park where he was going to be cleared of all the feathers and broken eggs the hens left inside him. Alloa Area and Morayshire were already in the station.

"Silly hens, silly passengers, you engines can have them both!" he snorted.

"Mmm, the farmer still needs help with his vegetables." said Morayshire.

"A vegetable bus? That's not such a bad idea." thought Brutus.

"And we're back to carrying passengers." smiled Alloa Area.

"I knew you were gonna be helping the farmer instead of taking passengers Brutus." said Morayshire.

"I guess you were right after all Morayshire." sighed Brutus, "I'm sorry I was cross with you yesterday."

"Oh there's no need to apologise Brutus." smiled Morayshire.

Brutus' happy now. He has been repainted from red to green and he'd now been fitted with a smart serving hatch. The B&K Controller had agreed that he can become the railways only vegetable stand on wheels. He'd often see his railway friends like Alloa Area, Morayshire and W.S. Sellar race past him and he'd always honk hello to them and they'd whistle or horn back. Brutus likes carrying vegetables because they don't lay eggs and they never complain.

"Ah, this' the life. Thank goodness I'm away from those hens, those noisy, feathery bunch of morons!"

**And that's episode 15 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Bulgy Rides Again'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	16. Gloucestershire Warwickshire Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - we hear a ghostly whistle, some treacle gets spilled and there's a dragon on the tracks.**

Episode 16: Woolly Bears and Dragons

In summer on the Gloucestershire Warwickshire Railway, the gangers cut the long grass on the line side, raking into heaps to dry in the sun. At this time of year, GWR Manor no.7820 _'Dinmore Manor'_ stops where they had been cutting. The gangers load up her empty wagons and she takes them to one end of the line. And from there, Class 73 diesel no.73 129 _'City of Winchester'_ would take the trucks along the line, stopping where the farmers would need to feed their stock. Later that morning, GWR Hall no.7903 _'Foremarke Hall'_ was resting in the yards when…

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEESH!"

Dinmore Manor gave a ghostly whistle as she reversed in. "Don't be frightened Foremarke Hall, it's only me." she laughed.

"I don't know why you bother trying to believe in ghosts Dinmore Manor because it's not going to work!" huffed Foremarke Hall, "Besides, you're ugly fizz's enough to frighten anyone. You're like…"

"Ugly indeed, I'm…?!"

"A big black caterpillar!" continued Foremarke Hall firmly, "You crawl like one two!"

"I don't!"

"Who's been late every afternoon this week?!"

"It's the hay!"

"I can't help that!" huffed Foremarke Hall, "Time's time and the G.W. Controller relies on engines like me to keep it! I can't if you keep crawling in the hay for all hours!"

"Big black caterpillar indeed!" fumed Dinmore Manor as she puffed away to collect some trucks of hay to take to bring back to the yard.

When Dinmore Manor and as she was puffing along the line, she was thinking about that rude name Foremarke Hall had called her.

"Everyone says I'm gorgeous, or at least nearly everyone. Anyway, black suits engines like us better than Foremarke Hall's shade of green. Also, Foremarke Hall always says that I'm late!" she grumbled, "I'm never late, or at least only a few minutes! What's that to Foremarke Hall?! I mean, he can always catch up time further on!" But all the same, when she arrived back at the yards, her driver and fireman decided to leave and set off home for the sheds early. Then there was trouble. A nearby crane was carrying a big crate of treacle for some unknown reason. Dinmore Manor looked up and saw the crate. Suddenly, the crane hook came loose. Dinmore Manor gasped and shut her eyes as with a loud SQUELCH, the treacle splashed down. The treacle was now upset all over Dinmore Manor. Dinmore Manor's driver and fireman did their best not to laugh. Dinmore Manor herself though was very cross because the treacle had ruined her smart black paint.

"This isn't funny!" she huffed to her sniggering footplate crew, "Now are you going to clean me or what?!"

"Alright Dinmore alright, keep your freaking buffers on!" replied the driver when he and the fireman finally stopped sniggering. They went to get some cleaning materials for steam engines. When they returned with them, they tried the hardest o remove the treacle from Dinmore Manor. But all to no avail because Dinmore Manor was still sticky when she had to puff away.

As Dinmore Manor made her way along the line, the wind had picked up and it was now blowing fiercely.

"Look at that!" exclaimed the driver as he spotted something up ahead. The wind had caught some piles of hay further down the line, tossing it up and over the track. The line climbed here.

"Take a run at it Dinmore Manor!" the driver advised. Dinmore Manor gathered speed, however the hay was making the rails slippery and her wheels weren't gripping. Time after time she'd stall with spinning wheels and she had to wait until the line ahead was clear before she could start again. To make the situation worse, while she was waiting, the blown hay was sticking to the treacle and wasn't going to be removed from Dinmore Manor anytime soon. She had to reach the other end of the line as soon as possible. Everyone was waiting there, including Foremarke Hall who was seething impatiently.

"Ten minutes late, I warned her! Passengers will complain for being late and the G.W. Controller…" Foremarke Hall was then interrupted by the sound of a whistle. Dinmore Manor was finally arriving. When the passengers saw the sight of Dinmore Manor as she hurried into the station, they all laughed and shouted.

"Sorry I'm late Foremarke!" Dinmore Manor panted.

"Look what's crawled out of the hay." teased Foremarke Hall.

"What's wrong?" asked Dinmore Manor.

"Well talking about hairy caterpillars." puffed Foremarke Hall, "It's worth bring late to have seen you." Not really knowing what Foremarke Hall was talking about, Dinmore Manor thought it best to just head into the sheds. With Foremarke Hall gone, Dinmore Manor reversed into the sheds. Once there, her driver showed her what she looked like in a mirror.

"Bust my buffers!" Dinmore Manor gasped, "No wonder they all laughed. I'm just like a woolly bear. Please clean me before City of Winchester comes." It was no good though because Foremarke Hall had already told City of Winchester all about it. When the duo arrived at the sheds and saw Dinmore Manor being cleaned and removed of the hay that had stuck to her, instead of talking about sensible things like playing ghosts, they made jokes about woolly bear caterpillars and other creatures which crawled about in hay. They laughed a lot but Dinmore Manor thought they were really being very silly indeed.

You may've established that Dinmore Manor does like to tease Foremarke Hall about being frightened from time to time but they're good friends really. It's just that this constant teasing does seem to get in the way of their friendship from time to time. One evening, Foremarke Hall was dozing happily in the shed but Dinmore Manor wanted to talk.

"Eh wake up Foremarke, are you dreaming about the time you were afraid of the dark?" Dinmore Manor asked teasingly.

"Certainly not!" huffed Foremarke Hall, "I'm not even scared of the dark anyway so stop trying to convince me otherwise!"

Dinmore Manor went on teasing him. "I hope the guard leaves the light on for you tonight."

"Why?!" asked Foremarke Hall, "I'll have you know that I quite like the dark!"

"Oh really?" exclaimed Dinmore Manor, "I must admit I'm surprised at that because I always had the impression that you were afraid of the dark, I wonder why?" Foremarke Hall decided to say nothing and went back to sleep instead. The next morning, the G.W, Controller arrived at the sheds to speak to Foremarke Hall.

"Foremarke Hall, I'd like you to go to the yards tonight and collect something rather unusual." he boomed.

"What sort of something sir?" asked Foremarke Hall.

"Wait and see." replied the G.W. Controller. That late afternoon, Dinmore Manor had just reversed some trucks into a siding. Class 47 Duff diesel no.47 376 _'Freightliner 1995'_ then arrived by with a small goods train. The signalman switched the points and Dinmore Manor waited in the siding until Freightliner 1995 had whirred past. Then there was trouble. **(And that's the second time this episode I've had to say that damn catchphrase!)**

"The points are jammed!" called the signalman, "I can't switch them back! The workmen will mend them in the morning because it's too late now!"

"Hmm." said Dinmore Manor's driver, "I'm sorry Dinmore Manor but it looks like you're going to have to stay here for tonight."

"Where're you going?" asked Dinmore Manor.

"Home for tea." replied the fireman. Dinmore Manor was speechless. All evening, he could only watch as the other engines went home to the sheds. Night eventually came and Dinmore Manor was feeling very lonely.

"Oh dear." she murmured, "It's very dark." Suddenly, she heard a wheeshing sound. "Ooh, ooh! What's that?!" It was only an owl but Dinmore Manor didn't realise this. "Oh how much I wish Foremarke Hall was hear to." she sighed. Speaking of Foremarke Hall, he'd arrived at the yards and was now waiting for his mysterious load. He was told that the load would be arriving by lorry and that it'll then be loaded onto his flatbed truck. Just then, the lorry arrived and what Foremarke Hall saw on its back made him gasp in horror.

"Oh my mutha(BEEP!)…wait, I don't have a mother, but anyway, oh my good god, It's a flaming dragon!" he cried.

"Don't worry Foremarke." laughed his driver, "This dragon's made of paper and it's for the carnival that's happening tomorrow." Foremarke Hall was very relieved to hear this. He watched as the workmen carefully placed the dragon onto the flatbed and then place bright lights all around it for protection. With everything ready, Foremarke Hall was given the all clear to go. With a happy toot of his whistle, Foremarke Hall set off into the misty night. As he puffed along, he could see just how bright the dragon now was with the lights all around it, it really was standing out against the landscape. Back with Dinmore Manor and she'd finally gotten to sleep in her siding. However, she had no idea that Foremarke Hall was approaching him. There was a sudden wheesh of steam that woke Dinmore Manor up in an instant. Once she managed to clear her eyesight, she saw the bright dragon and gasped.

"HELP!" she cried as she shut her eyes meaning she'd failed to spot Foremarke Hall, "I'm not going to open my eyes until my driver comes!" And she really did keep her eyes shut all through the night.

The next morning, the points were mended and Dinmore Manor puffed back to work. She arrived at Toddington station just as SR Merchant Navy no.35006 _'Peninsular & Oriental S.N. Co'._ was just about to leave with his morning passenger train.

"You'll never guess what I saw last night." whimpered Dinmore Manor.

Peninsular & Oriental S.N. Co. was in no mood for puzzles though. "I'm a bust engine and I don't have time for any games!" he huffed.

"I've seen a huge dragon and it was covered in lights." added Dinmore Manor.

Peninsular & Oriental S.N. Co. snorted. "You've been in the sun to long because by saying things like that, your dome must've cracked." He then puffed away when he heard the guards whistle, leaving a now cross Dinmore Manor behind. The story wasn't over yet though because when all the other engines heard the news, they were all laughing about it.

"Look out Dinmore Manor!" chuckled Freightliner 1995 as he whirred past Dinmore Manor, "Or the dragon may gobble you up!"

Later that morning as Dinmore Manor was doing her own passenger train, she was thinking about last nights events and what all the other engines had said to her earlier.

"No one believes me." she puffed, "Maybe I did imagine the dragon after all." she thought. However, she soon found out that she hadn't. She had stopped at Winchcombe station when alongside her came the dragon.

"Help, save me!" Dinmore Manor cried.

"It's alright." whistled Foremarke Hall from the back and he explained about the carnival. "By the way, how was your night out?" he asked. Dinmore Manor decided to tell Foremarke Hall the truth.

"Well Dinmore," began Foremarke Hall, "Maybe we do get scared sometimes. But if we're not afraid to tell each other then that means we're quite brave to."

**And that' episode 16 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parodies of TTTE episodes **_**'Woolly Bear'**_** and **_**'Thomas, Percy and the Dragon'**_**. Please review and I request criticism. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	17. Keighley & Worth Valley Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**Tonight - a mainline engine pays a visit, an American's complaining and a dome gets blown away.**

Episode 17: A World Famous Locomotive

It was an important and exciting day on the Keighley & Worth Valley Railway and I say so because a special visitor had arrived and he was now the centre of attention, especially since lots of people were gathering around the yard excitedly making notes and taking photographs. The special visitor in question was none other than City of Truro from the mainline series and the GWR 3700 Class no.3440 was happy to be on the railway. However, Webber the LNWR Webb Coal Tank no.1054 had a question.

"Who's that Fowler?" he whispered to the LMS 4F no.43924.

"That" replied Fowler proudly, "Is a celebrity."

"A what?" asked Nunlow the Hudswell Clarke 0-6-0T no.1704, he somehow hadn't heard the meaning of the word 'celebrity'.

"A celebrity's a very famous engine." replied Fowler, "My driver said that we can talk to him soon."

"Oh." said Webber, "He's probably too busy to even notice us." Just then, USATC S160 Class no.5820 _'Big Jim'_ arrived and he wasn't happy about City of Truro's visit.

"Pah!" he huffed in his American accent, "Who cares! This' just a lot of fuss about nothing if you ask me!" And with that, he steamed away.

Later that night though, the engines found that City of Truro wasn't conceited at all. He enjoyed talking to the other engines until long after the stars came out. At this point for example, he was telling the engines about the moment that made him a celebrity.

"I'm a contender for the title of first steam locomotive to travel in excess of 100mph." he said proudly. The other engines gasped in amazement.

"Wow!" said Nunlow.

"100mph!" added Webber.

"Yeah, I'm not bragging or anything but I often get that reaction when I talk about this particular subject." smiled City of Truro.

"When did you actually do this City of Truro?" asked Fowler.

"Oh if I remember correctly," thought City of Truro, "I think it was back in 1904, back when pretty much all of you hadn't even been built yet and I was only 1 year old at the time because I was built in 1903, which means of course I'm more than 100 years old to this day, or more specifically I'm 111 years old and I'm still in working order, amazing eh?" He smiled before continuing. "Also, I was hauling the 'Ocean Mails' special at the time, running from Plymouth to Paddington in London." City of Truro sighed happily as the memories flooded into his mind. "Oh yes, those were the days." The other engines were amazed.

He made his departure from the railway early next morning. Big Jim still wasn't happy though.

"Good riddance!" he grumbled, "Chattering all night; who IS he anyway?!"

"Fowler told you!" huffed SR West Country no.34092 _'City of Wells'_, "He's famous!"

"As famous as me?" huffed Big Jim, "That's total and utter nonsense Volcano!"

City of Wells glared at Big Jim. "You just referred to me by my nickname." she seethed.

"And?" asked Big Jim, "You're known as 'The Volcano' because of your dramatic steam displays."

"Don't refer to me as Volcano again!" fumed City of Wells.

"Listen Big Jim, City of Truro's more famous than you." said Robin the WD Austerity 2-8-0 no.90733, "I mean, as he explained to us last night, he went 100mph before all us engines, you included, were even thought of." he added.

"So he says!" snorted Big Jim, "But I didn't like his looks! I mean, he has got no dome! And you should never trust domeless engines because they're not respectable! I never boast but I'd say 100mph would be easy for me!" And he wheeshed indignantly away. Fowler had been listening in on their conversation and he just huffed at Big Jim's rude behaviour before puffing away. Later, Fowler brought some trucks into the yards where LMS Jubilee no.45596 _'Bahamas'_ was taking on water.

"Oh hello Fowler." greeted Bahamas, "You know, that City of Truro puffed past me this morning on his way home."

**(Flashback)**

Bahamas was still in the yards at the time when she spotted City of Truro approaching on the main route. She called out to him.

"Alright City of Truro! Thank you so much for visiting! I Hope you can come and visit us again someday!"

"Thanks for having me Bahamas and I'd love to come back one day!" City of Truro called back before politely whistling goodbye to her.

**(End of flashback)**

"He whistled to me, wasn't he kind?" asked a smiling Bahamas.

"City of Truro, one of the finest and friendliest engines in the world." replied Fowler and then he told Bahamas what Big Jim had said. Bahamas sighed.

"Take no notice of him Fowler." she soothed, "He's just jealous. He thinks no engine should be more famous than him." Just then, they heard something. "Look, here he comes now." And Bahamas was right. Big Jim was racing towards them on the main route, his wheels were pounding the rails.

"If he did it, I'll do it, if he did it, I'll do it!" he was repeatedly telling himself. Big Jim's passenger train rocketed past and was gone in a cloud of steam.

"He'll knock himself to bits going at that speed." chuckled Fowler. Bahamas smiled in agreement. Back with Big Jim and he was still thundering along the track.

"Steady Big Jim!" called his driver, "We aren't running a race!"

"We are then!" said Big Jim. He said that to himself though. Suddenly, Big Jim began to feel strange.

"The top of my boiler seems funny." he thought, "It feels as if something has come loose, so I'd better go slower." However, it was already too late to do that. He soon came across an open part of track and it was here where he could feel the strongest of the blowing wind as it was teasing him by blowing suddenly in hard puffs. Big Jim was thinking this wind was wanting to push him off the rails.

"No you don't!" he said firmly. However, the wind had other ideas. It curled around his boiler, crept under his loose dome and lifted it off and away onto the ground where it bounced and rolled out of sight. Poor Big Jim felt most uncomfortable. The cold wind was whistling through the hole where his dome should be and he felt silly without it. Eventually, he finished his passenger run and he quickly decided to head into the yard. Once there, all the trucks that were also there almost immediately made the decision to laugh at him. Big Jim wasn't liking that. He tried to wheesh them away but all to no avail as they were crowding around him no matter what he did. On his way back to the sheds that evening, Big Jim asked his driver if they could stop and look for his dome.

"We'll never find it now." said the driver, "You'll have to go to the works for a new one." This made Big Jim very cross. His anger was soon turning to worry as he approached the sheds.

"I hope the shed's empty tonight." he huffed to himself. Unfortunately though, when he arrived, all the engines were there waiting for him. Big Jim just sighed miserably as he joined the other engines in the shed.

"Never trust domeless engines." said a voice from somewhere in the shed, "They aren't respectable."

**And that's episode 17 of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Gordon and the Famous Visitor'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


	18. Mid-Norfolk Railway

_**A Series of Heritage Lines**_

**In tonight's series finale - we visit an all diesel railway, the snow's causing problems again and a visiting steam engine leaves the diesels a farewell present.**

Episode 18: A Christmas Full of Adventure

If some day you should see Selhurst the Class 73 diesel no.73 210 whirring along the Mid-Norfolk Railway, you'll often find him stopping at all the stations on the railway either dropping of passengers or making deliveries. Like today for example, it was a warm December morning and he was dropping off some mail at Yaxham station. Everyone on the platform was happy to see him.

"It's nearly Christmas and I'll bring you lots of letters and parcels!" Selhurst smiled as he revved away. However, one night the following week, everything changed as a storm blew its way down. The next morning, the whole railway was covered in thick snow. All the diesel engines were now finding life way more difficult. Some had to help clear snow from the track and workmen hacked away at the frozen bags of ice. Selhurst and Class 50 Hoover diesel no.50 019 _'Ramillies'_ were collecting some important post at Wymondham Abbey station.

"Driver tells me that there's lots of post for all across the railway." said Selhurst, "I'm going to need an extra mail truck for it all."

Ramillies was feeling left out. "It's not fair. You're not leaving any post for me." he moaned. Just then, his chance had come courtesy of Selhurst's driver waling up to them.

"There has been a change of plan." he announced, "The Mid-Norfolk Controller needs us on the passenger runs. Therefore Ramillies, you'll be taking Selhurst's post train along the railway."

Ramillies was delighted but Selhurst was feeling sad. "Now I won't be able to say happy Christmas to all my friends." he complained.

"Don't worry." said Ramillies kindly, "I'll do that for you."

"It's not the same." sighed Selhurst as he miserably whirred away.

Ramillies was making good time with his mail train when suddenly…

"What's that?" thought his driver. Ramillies looked ahead and saw a fogman on the line and he was holding a red light. Ramillies stopped just in front of the fogman.

"A part of the railway has been blocked by heavy snow!" the fogman warned, "We need snowplows, workmen and a helicopter! Leave your mail trucks in a siding and go back as quickly as you can!" Ramillies revved backwards feeling worried.

"Oh no." he thought, "With a part of the railway blocked, how's everyone going to receive the Christmas mail?" I'd better go and find Harry the Helicopter! I sincerely hope he's about the place somewhere!" And thankfully, he was. Selhurst found Harry on an open section alongside the track.

"Oi, Harry, wake up lazy wings!" Ramillies called, "We need your help to make some Christmas post deliveries while a part of the railway's blocked by snow!"

"Well now!" smiled Harry, "I like a good emergency like this in order to keep me warm!" He then whirred his arms and buzzed into the sky to collect the post. Ramillies was happy, that was one part of what he needed to collect done.

"Now then…hmm, what's next?" he thought. Just then, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a horn. He looked ahead and saw Selhurst carrying Michelle the Tractor one a flatbed truck and some workmen in a carriage at the back.

"Come on Ramillies!" called Selhurst as he stopped alongside his friend, "Get yourself coupled up and follow me!"

"Well of course I'll be following you if I'm coupled up to you Selhurst." replied Ramillies and he manoeuvred into position, "You'll pretty much be taking me to where we need to go."

"Stop trying to be clever Ramillies!" snorted Selhurst, "Now come on and lets go!" When Ramillies was coupled up to the back of the train, he and Selhurst revved away towards the heavily snow blocked piece of track. They battled their way through smaller blockages and weren't going to let anything stop them. At last, they reached the heavily snow blocked piece of track. And it really was blocked and it was quite a long blockage to. Just then, they heard a familiar buzzing. They looked up and saw Harry flying past them overhead en route for dropping off the post he had to the nearest station. The workmen had just released Michelle from her flatbed and ordered her to help them clear away the snow that was preventing any railway services from happening. Michelle was ready for action. With a rev of her engine and her snowplow lowered into position, she charged towards the snow. She was told to start from the sides and work her way to the middle because it was easier that way. Michelle was a strong tractor who was happy to help her locomotive friends whether they were steam or diesels and whether they were on a heritage line or the mainline, just like Harry. Selhurst and Ramillies watched as Michelle was hard at work clearing away the snow.

"Lovely stuff!" Michelle said as she pushed the snow aside. Slowly but surely, Michelle and the workmen with their shovels managed to clear away the snow. Michelle felt proud, especially when Selhurst and Ramillies congratulated her with a blast of their horns.

"Well done Michelle!" smiled Selhurst.

"Yes indeed!" agreed Ramillies.

"Thank you so much boys, always happy to help." blushed Michelle as she made her way back onto the flatbed.

Selhurst and Ramillies dropped off Michelle in a siding at Dereham station and were now enjoying the praises the passengers were giving them after they received their Christmas post.

"Well done Selhurst and well done Ramillies!" they cheered, "You're the best Santa Claus this railway has ever had!"

"What's a Santa Claus?" asked Ramillies confused.

"Santa Claus is someone delivers presents by going down chimneys at Christmas time." answered Selhurst.

Ramillies then saw visiting steam engine LNER A4 no.60009 _'Union of South Africa'_ approaching and looked at her funnel. He thought, "I wonder if…"

"No!" laughed Selhurst when he saw where Ramillies was looking, "Chimneys Ramillies not funnels! Anyway that reminds me, you've left your mail trucks back in that siding!" Ramillies gasped in remembrance and he then raced away to go and fetch them. He sped right past Union of South Africa just as she entered the station.

"What's he in a hurry for?" she asked.

"He left some mail trucks in a siding further down the line." explained Selhurst.

"Oh right." said Union of South Africa, "Anyways, in my carriages along with more passengers, I've also brought some hot drinks for everyone." she smiled. Everyone on the platform cheered.

"By the way Union of South Africa, Ramillies was checking out your funnel." said Selhurst.

"Was he now? The devious bastard." replied Union of South Africa.

That night, even though Union of South Africa's visit was officially over, she had one final job to do before leaving the railway. While all the diesels were asleep in the shed, Union of South Africa was at Wymondham Abbey station. Everyone had been wanting to thank the diesels for their hard work their Christmas time and Union of South Africa wanted to thank them for such a great visit this winter. So they all agreed to leave them a surprise when they woke up the following morning. Everyone helping had made and wrapped up some presents and they were now being loaded into Union of South Africa's mail truck. With all the presents eventually loaded, the workmen and volunteers hopped aboard the railway carriage behind the mail truck and Union of South Africa puffed away en route for the sheds. When she arrived, she was getting more and more excited.

"Oh they're going to love this thank you gift." she smiled as she watched the workmen and volunteers carry the presents into the sheds, being careful not to wake up the diesels. When all the presents were dropped off in the sheds, the workmen and volunteers headed for home while Union of South Africa, after being uncoupled from the mail truck, headed back onto the mainline where she went to find a shed to sleep in.

When the diesels woke up the next morning, they couldn't believe their eyes. The presents were all placed in front of them, certain presents in front of the engine they were for. They also saw that the workmen and volunteers had also redecorated the sheds from the inside, so cards, balloons and lights were everywhere. All the diesels sounded their horns happily and they all agreed that this had been a really happy Christmas.

**And that's episode 18/the series finale of ASOHL done! Hope you enjoyed my parody of TTTE episode **_**'Thomas and Percy's Christmas Adventure'**_**. Please review, I request criticism and I apologise if it's a bit short. Be sure to look out for T&FMLA Series 4 since I've decided to give it one very last run. And on that bombshell, it's time to end, thanks very much for reading, goodnight!**


End file.
